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Ainsleigh

United States

I'm a HUGE fan of new experiences, as I'm sure most of us are...I ADORE anything that has to do with creating...My life seems to be the script of a crazy movie sometimes... I love writing of course!

Message to Readers

Any and all feedback appreciated!

Before

February 15, 2015

There was something different about this year, the one you asked about.

Perhaps because it was my first year; the first year.

There have been many years since this beginning one, but each of them feels more like an instant, with no transitions between them. A close friend of mine, Lux, is rather fast like these years, too. We used to race when we were kids, but I hardly have the ability to reach a desination as she does, so my efforts then were pointless. She has much more direction, where as I am quite all over the place... I am so busy that I actually do feel I can be everywhere at once, despite what science claims. You can say what you want about me, but one thing for sure is your doubtful remarks will never slow me down; I refuse to stop.

You should know this is hard for me in that I don't often reflect on my past. I haven't changed a bit and I certainly don't plan on altering anything about my identity. I cannot explain who I am, or what I am, for I have seen, heard, known very little--and yet, all at once, I feel I know everything there is to be seen and heard. Still, there is somehow always more ahead of me... Back to the point: I'm neither content nor disatisfied with myself; I simply am what I am, what I was born that first year. 

Lux feels similarly about herself, although I'd call it more of a self-confidence than a self-apathy. She lets her smile shine bright and never ceases to remind you how great you are, how brilliant existence can be. This energy, while absolutely enjoyed, can sometimes become a bit overwhelming, and so I do need a break from my companion's constant company. When I am not with Lux, Tenebris runs with me to nowhere in particular, saying little but expressing much. He is another good friend of mine, though not of Lux's; the two absolutely loathe each other. In fact, they've never once been caught in the same room together. The irony is, even though they avoid each other, there is a subtle, unspoken emptiness in Lux's voice when she asks what Tenebris has been up to lately if I don't mention it in our conversations beforehand. It's as if neither can exist without the other waiting to temporarily take the former's place. Sometimes I wonder if Tenebris will grow tired of waiting patiently in the shadows for Lux to bounce away so he may take her place beside me, though frankly, I don't think the pattern will change. 

One thing that has allowed us to at least reach an appreciation of each other, a balance in our behaviors if you will, is the fact that we are all three of us orphans. None of us have ever known a love besides that of companionship. This relation began the first second, of the first minute, of the first hour, of the first day, of the very first year. For our friendship, I am eternally grateful. When I first saw Lux, she was radiant, constantly bouncing around. There were no bounds to her energetic attitude. And though Tenebris had a darker mood about him, he brought a general serenity to the busy, hard-to-keep-up-with adventures of Lux's daily life. He was nonchalant and reticent during most of our time spent together, and has been that way since. 

That first year was different; nothing is ever like the very beginning. But it was supposed to be distinct in a different way. My experiences were constantly the same. I just kept...passing, much as I do now. Instead, I've had a hard time distinguishing it from the ones that soon followed; the happy memories are all the same. Lux has never ceased to bring laughter and joy and Tenebris has always managed to keep me grounded. I, however, have a faint memory of the split second after I opened my eyes for the first time and entered this crazy universe. An odd picture comes to mind; it is of Lux and Tenebris holding hands. Imagine that! I can't believe this to be true, though, as there is so much wrong, so much impossiblity that comes with such an image. Still, I've never asked either of them what their lives were like before mine. I had always imagined them to be born the very second I was, but their knowledge and patience sometimes surpass my own. Maybe there was in fact a time before my life, before I began...  

The name's Tempus, by the way. I figured you'd want to know sooner or later. 


A few helpful hints:

Lux = Light (in Latin)

Tenebris = Darkness (in Latin)

Tempus = Time (in Latin)

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