Peer Review by Quille (United States of America)()

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Slow

By: JCWriter


FREE WRITING

Night hums,
    though no one listens;
She dances,
    but all the lights are on and
    no one sees;
She sings and cries a little,
    for come morning they look only for the
    sunrise,
    rejoicing for the dawn but never
    mourning the disappearing dark.

Night listens,
    hearing all that Day forgets;
She watches,
    seeing all the beauty,
    sadness, wonder, hope
    the noon is blind to;
She shields with shadows
    those who cry alone
    into the darkness,
    a friend to all the lost and
    (for a night-dark moment) hopeless
    dreamers.

Changed the ending a little; not sure about it though. Feedback appreciated!

Peer Review

I really love the personification of the night and how much emotion you entwined in this narrative. It seems like I just read so much in these two stanzas. The contrast between Night and 'they' is really well done as well and showed so much in the story :D Another thing that's really awesome are your verb choices; lots of people don't realize how descriptive verbs are and use adverbs instead, but I believe that good ole, solid verbs are much more precise and create a better illustration for the reader. Excellent job :)


This piece is so complete the way it is. I don't really think anything more could add to its beauty; not even the mention of moon or starlight.


Reviewer Comments

Hey, sorry it took me waayyyy too long to get to this! Your second one will be coming up asap.
Keep writing!! (Especially some more poems like this, please! :)