Peer Review by Zixdude (United States of America)()

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Slow

By: JCWriter


FREE WRITING

Night hums,
    though no one listens;
She dances,
    but all the lights are on and
    no one sees;
She sings and cries a little,
    for come morning they look only for the
    sunrise,
    rejoicing for the dawn but never
    mourning the disappearing dark.

Night listens,
    hearing all that Day forgets;
She watches,
    seeing all the beauty,
    sadness, wonder, hope
    the noon is blind to;
She catches tears
    for those who cry alone
    into the shadows.


Peer Review

You did it. This piece showcased a unique perspective!


I think that the piece ends too quickly. I noticed that as the poem progressed it became less abstract. That's fine, but you might want to sequence night's abilities from most to least abstract, and then round it off by gradually becoming more abstract again like so: Abstract-->Less Abstract-->Abstract. That way, the poem would begin and end smoothly AND adopt a moving, chaismic quality.


Reviewer Comments

I LOVE THE TITLE!

Introduces the mood well and invites readers to read like so. Brilliant!