Peer Review by annacatherine (Australia)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?


Barely Alive

By: black_and_red_ink


FREE WRITING

I look in the mirror and see that I am barely alive,
I've never looked worse,
with eyes bloodshot and bags underneath them,
corpse pale, paper-like skin,
and hair like cobwebs,
matted and neglected
It is true each day we die a little more,
I started to wither and wilt long ago, 
and my mind's even worse,
in a constant state of atrophy,
I can feel it decaying,
it's a barren wasteland,
there's nothing worthwhile there,
and now my body is reflecting externally,
what for so long it felt inside,
with stress-induced acne and the most unsightly weight gain,
when I look in the mirror I feel detached,
am I even here?
is this even happening?
Am I really me, and why am I not someone else?
We are constantly spiraling towards oblivion,
and our earthly form does not matter at all 

 


Peer Review

I love this writing technique. You are amazing at imagery and using emotion to make readers want to read more. I particularly loved phrases such as "in a constant state of atrophy" and "with stress-induced acne and the most unsightly weight gain."


I would love a second part to this writing. Or maybe a piece of writing on why, or how they think they feel that way. Maybe talk about the people around them or reflect on who you used to be.


Reviewer Comments

I love this piece!! Please keep writing, we need more writers like you.