Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
hi, noticed a small spelling mistake and changed a semi-colon to a comma. hopefully someone sees this. please give me feedback, i'd love to improve!
THE ATMOSPHERE YOU'VE CREATED IS SO CRAZY GOOD!!!!
Often writers, even good ones, fail to draw in readers because they lack vibe. Your writing, however, is simply drenched with it. I was reminded of the opening scenes of Fargo (TV show not movie) and I really enjoyed the immersion!
I enjoyed the relationship Beatrice had with the dog, it really brought out a humane aspect to her. If anything, adding a bit of an internal monologue might bring out her personality more.
I feel like you placed the setting very well indeed. Clean up the places I've highlighted for you and you're good to go!
As I said, the Fargo vibes I got really gave me chills. I like how you never really clarified where the story is taking place, the ambiguity sets the story apart!
I would LOVE if you made this a full-blown story. This seems like the sort of book I would sit next to the fireplace with and finish in a single stretch, and love every minute of it.
This was SERIOUSLY good. The entire narrative had a what-on-Earth-could-happen-next kind of feel to it, which makes the reader hooked. Remarkably well done!