Peer Review by Stumbling Conundrum (United States)

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moon crazy

By: mariemare


FREE WRITING

malicious intent is dispersed by the first ray of light
a heavy, sweltering infusion of nothing new,
the clouds creak and groan, those grey things,
some creatures can't accept what is (and always will be) the truth.

but the first ray of light splinters,
fissures in the trees and a quiet view,
the shrubbery starts simmering,
all plant life fears late afternoon. 

the first ray of light finally breaks,
shards stirring up in hopes that soon-
the clouds find rampancy and are filled with glee,
until the sky, like curtains, parts
and the clouds begin to seethe,
they disperse grumbling along,
unaware of what they could even do,
the trees and plants alike, 
begin to face the moon. 
 

  
 


Peer Review

The imagery was fantastic, especially the way the clouds are described. I also really liked how there was a feeling of apprehension that came from the nature "facing the moon." Brilliant!


I had to read it a few times to come to the conclusion that the nature did not like the moon, because of how the sun was introduced. I really enjoyed seeing both aspects, but I think some sort of contrast between the two could be good, because I am not sure if I came to the conclusions you wanted.


Reviewer Comments

Your imagery was astounding! I'm not sure if I came to the conclusions you wanted, but this was a wonderful piece and you should be very proud!