cinnamonrollee

United States of America

Uh. Hey.
I'm just another socially awkward human trying to write and... do stuff. Yeah.

Message to Readers

I would like to know if I should remove things that sound repetitive/redundant, and if I should add anything that clears up something you find confusing. Thanks!

Not Human (Excerpt)

November 12, 2018

    The canteen was loud and rowdy, with people shouting across tables and the smell of fried chicken wafting out of the small kitchen. Everyone was busy eating or socializing with their fellow agents. But all of a sudden, the comfortable and boisterous atmosphere was shattered by a piercing interruption.
    “Swift, report to my bunk pronto,” a loud voice practically screamed from overhead. The chatter and laughter from everyone in the canteen immediately stopped and some even let out small yelps. Someone screamed and jumped five feet into the air, getting whoops and claps from those around him. Nobody in the Shadow Order had gotten used to the intercom, despite the fact that Bullet had installed the system two months ago and had used it for announcements such as “Everybody, report to the shelter immediately! This is a drill. I repeat, this is a drill” to “Everybody, I just took a huge dump and it felt so good!”
    Sometimes his agents questioned his leadership and maturity.
    After everyone had recovered -- which took a few moments --  heads turned towards a regal-looking girl in a black turtleneck who had just tensed up from shock. When she felt eyes on her, she relaxed somewhat and quickly schooled her expression into indifference.
    “Ooh, Swift, you’re in trouble,” someone quipped good-naturedly. The girl rolled her icy blue eyes to the heavens and stood up, leaving her half-eaten dinner sitting on the table.
    “Oh, I don’t think so,” she replied coolly, pulling her blond hair into her usual ponytail before striding to the large metal doors of the canteen. “See you later, losers.”

    Eleanor opened the door carefully, making sure it didn’t creak loudly like last time, when Bullet had forgotten that he had asked her to meet him and scolded her for walking in on “important business”.
    “Swift! Glad you came,” a low, cheerful voice said. Eleanor couldn’t help but smile as she saw the well-meaning-but-ends-up-making-things-worse head of the Shadow Order -- Bullet. Nobody knew his actual name, not even Eleanor, First Agent.
    Glancing around at his makeshift office, she noticed the disorderly mess of papers and charts and small bullets on his desk. She swore that it was buckling under the weight. She even caught a glimpse of a moldy sandwich somewhere in the clutter. Not particularly sanitary or safe, but Bullet enjoyed making new recruits squirm. It gave him a chance to start lecturing them about how in the high and mighty Shadow Order agency, they had to learn to be tough or else.
    Nobody was stupid enough to find out what the “or else” was.
    “Swift, today I received a frank report from one of our agents,” Bullet said, falling into a chair with a loud thump. Eleanor felt a pang of pity for whoever was in the bunk below them.
    “What is it?” she asked, standing to attention. She had a feeling that she would receive a mission, and she felt a jolt of excitement. Struggling to hide the smile on her face, she coughed into her arm.
    Inside, her thoughts were racing freely. She hoped that it would be a dangerous mission, so that she could prove to others that she was strong and fearless. She knew that nobody liked a coward and a baby.
    Bullet touched the tips of his fingers together as he peered up at her. “Why aren’t you sitting, Swift?” he asked suddenly, gesturing to a scratched, dirty armchair with uneven legs. There was even a suspicious yellow stain on the cushion. “Take a seat, First Agent.”
    The head could get very distracted sometimes.
    Eleanor stared back at him dubiously, hiding her disgust. She slowly slid onto the edge of the chair, careful not to touch the yellow stain. She wasn’t going to get sick sitting on that thing.
    Bullet nodded and went on, to Eleanor’s relief. She was perched on the edge of the chair and it was quite uncomfortable. She just wanted to get the mission and leave -- was that too much to ask?
    “Okay. Swift, I have received a frank report from one of our agents,” he repeated. Eleanor felt a flash of annoyance, but she quickly dampened it down with a nod. “Yes, I heard,” she said coolly. The head could be quite forgetful sometimes.
    “Oh. Really? All right,” Bullet continued, “it seems like the Shadow Order central agency has been located by Help Understand Men and Nature, and they are saying that they will alert the authorities immediately.”
    Eleanor straightened and was about to ask what she was going to do before realizing that the question would make her seem excited. She relaxed slightly and nodded.
    “I have decided that I should put together a group of trusted and trained agents that will bomb the Help Understand…”
    Eleanor mentally rolled her eyes. The spy agency working for the Los Angeles and the Californian governments was Help Understand Men and Nature, or H.U.M.A.N. Many people just said the acronym, but Bullet was a bore and insisted on saying the full name. Maybe he wanted to sound professional.
    “... headquarters. Tonight. Do you think you could be part of that group?”
    Eleanor blinked, confused. She had drifted away for a few moments and had to take a second to piece together the information. She wasn’t going to ask Bullet to repeat himself. That would make her seem stupid.
    A group of trusted and trained agents that will help bomb H.U.M.A.N. headquarters tonight.
    And I am to be part of the group.
    “... Swift?”
    Eleanor blinked again, then remembered that she hadn’t answered the head. “Yes. I accept the mission.”
    Bullet grinned. “Perfect. I will call the rest of the group here and give you the details.”
    He turned on the intercom, and Eleanor resisted the urge to stop her ears.
    “Acid and Hawk, report to my bunk pronto,” he shouted into the headpiece. Eleanor mentally winced as she heard the order boom from the corridor outside the bunk.

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  • November 12, 2018 - 3:02pm (Now Viewing)

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1 Comment
  • The Bubbling Pen

    Very interesting issues addressed - I wonder what he actually said? Keep up the great writing!


    about 1 year ago