Peer Review by CreativeAngel (United States of America)()

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Dark Voice

By: Ryder


FREE WRITING


    It was late in the night when Jill woke to the alarm bells signaling another dragon attack.  She quickly dressed and joined the crowd of women and children in the passage to the safety cavern, deep below the castle. She was used to the dragon attacks, they used to happen once or twice every few months, but now they happened three or four times a month. They had sent messengers to the king for help, but not one had ever made it as far as they could tell. Her uncle left two weeks ago, and she was sure she would never see him again, the dragons were getting to strong. Her mother died when she was to little to even remember her, and her father died when she was eleven. She didn’t miss him though, he wasn’t a good father and she barely even knew him. She was now fifteen and lived with her aunt, cousin, and uncle who had left.
    The cavern was somewhat damp, but not cold. The walls were cloaked with a form of fluorite, creating a warm blue glow. Jill stood among the crowd, but she didn’t want to. She wanted to be out in the fight. She wanted to tell stories to the younger children about the ferocious dragons. She wanted to be famous! She laid on some straw and dreamt of all this coming true.
    She woke at dawn, and left the cavern. It was silent, no bird song could be heard. She looked from the smoking city’s walls out onto the scorched plain that stretched out to the hills and decaying forest, and imagined her uncle coming home. The gong in the city square broke through the silence, leaving an echo. She ran down the stone stairs and around the houses and shops. Everyone was quiet and let Owin, the city consular, speak.
    “John has returned from the castle.”he let that sink in. “He has brought back terrible, terrible news.” He raised his hand in a quieting motion as the people began to whisper. “There is no help from the king. He and every other being there…are dead.” he inhaled deeply. “The place is over run with dragons. We must fend for our selves as best we can, if you have food, water, and blankets, or anything you believe is a necessity to life bring it to the cavern. We must send out another mesanger to find help.” He bowed his head and stepped down from the platform.
    Wails and cries of sorrow filled the city as mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, relations, and freinds received the word of the vile massacre. The day passed so slowly and when finely evening drew near, Jill stood looking off the wall above the gate. Were would they get help now? She thought, and just as she did she saw movement between the two distant hills. Someone was running towards the city. Who ever he was, he could never make it, not on foot anyway. A dragon was catching up; he would surely catch him before he got anywhere near to close. Then with a sudden bust of speed the dragon swooped to catch its prey, the man dropped flat to the ground, and the beast missed. The dragon skidded in the dirt and turned, furry burning inside. They stood staring, neither one willing to move. Jill stood in awe as the dragon lifted from the ground and flew back towards the hills. Why hadn’t it killed him? Why did it-oh no! Two more dragons flew out of the hills. Run! She screamed in her mind. Run you fool, run! And as if he heard her, he began to run, but not the direction she hoped, he ran for the cliff, a sixty-foot drop.
    “Wrong way!” she cried, even though she knew he couldn’t hear. Not thinking of what the consequence might be, she ran down from the walls and through the gate. She had to at lest try two stop him from going over the edge, and if she couldn’t, she has to die sometime, She thought. Before she knew it she was right behind him, her heart hammering in her chest. He was just a boy, around her own age how did he get hear, was he a survivor from the castle, well she didn’t have time to think, a few more feet and he’d be over the edge. She stretched out her hand to grab his arm, but he turned, seizing her, and pulling her down with him. The last thing she saw, was the dragons fly over her head.


Peer Review

That plot twist at the end was..amazing like oh my. I love this story especially since i'm trying to draw a dragon and reading a story about one was really nice.


What happens next??? Does she fall off and die? Get injured? Is the boy some sort of long lost relative who has a grudge against her parents therefore pulling her off the cliff.


Reviewer Comments

Overall it's very descriptive, few grammar errors so look over those and if possible please continue as i love this a lot.<3