Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
Hey guys! This is the second run of my novel excerpt. I would love to hear what y'all think of it this time around! How does it make you feel? What do you think about the characters? What needs work? Peer reviews are much appreciated. Thank you!
I love the way each sentence further progresses you into the story. You also really killed the emotional part; it made me cry a lil bit (which is good)
The main character's evident pain and thought pattern shows her humanity. I'd love to know more about her personal past.
Maybe elaborate a bit more on the narrator's reaction to Lillian's illness.
Honestly, the setting is already well laid out, and this is only one scene.
You're so good at getting emotions into words. I really felt this piece. The imagery was really good too. Keep going!
Just a small grammar thing: start a new line whenever a new character speaks.