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Nadia Kotova

United States

Hey guys!
Writer
Baker
Beverly Lewis books
Percy Jackson
Harry Potter
Louisa May Alcott
Disney
HTTYD
Homeschooled
Perpetually happy
Most importantly: a child of the King
I love you!
Jesus loves you!
To God be the glory!

Message to Readers

Hey guys! This is the second run of my novel excerpt. I would love to hear what y'all think of it this time around! How does it make you feel? What do you think about the characters? What needs work? Peer reviews are much appreciated. Thank you!

Lillian's Rain

November 10, 2018

 I almost hit Raven with my car when I pulled into the driveway. Slamming on the brakes and flinging gravel into the wet grass, I blared the horn. "Out of the way, Raven!" I shouted. I let out a slow breath, willing the shaking to stop. No one would forgive me, especially not myself, if I killed Raven- the twin who was supposed to live -even on accident. 
    She stayed planted in front of my car. I honked at her again, but she locked her eyes with mine. Raven's arms wrapped around her stomach, trembling. The look on her face reminded me of my older sister Sadie's the day our parents died. I knew instantly her face streamed with something other than rain. 
    My stomach clenched. Numbness shot down my arms. 
    I threw myself from the car barely remembering to put it in park.
    "Is Lillian okay?" I grabbed her by the shoulders, raising my voice above the rain pinging on my Honda. 
    Raven shook her head, forcing out an "I don't know."
    "What do you mean, you don't know? She lives in this house! With you!"
    "She's gone, Auryon."
    Avoiding dirty puddles pooled in potholes dotting the gravel drive, I pulled her by the wrist to our wrap-around porch.
     "Explain!" The rain gained speed, sending steady thuds onto the roof. 
    "I left our room for just a few minutes. And when I came back," her breath came in gasps, "Lillian had disappeared. I looked everywhere for her, Auryon. Everywhere in the house except upstairs. She can't climb the steps anymore."
    I fled into the house without removing my muddy shoes. "Lillian!" 
    She wasn't in her room, just as Raven had said. I stared, heaving, at the happy yellow walls and flowered quilt that mocked the misery she suffered in that bed. But Lillian had wanted bright colors. And ever since the doctors said they didn't know what disease was killing her and they couldn't do anything to fix it, Lillian got what she wanted. 
    I turned, pounding up the stairs in the entry way. "Sam!" 
    He cracked open his bedroom door, looking irritated. "I'm working, Auryon." His eyes drifted to my dripping hair, the mud my shoes had tracked on the carpet. "Why do you insist on leaving the house in disarray?" 
    "We can't find Lillian," I said. 
    He wordlessly pushed past me. 
    "Raven already checked downstairs, Sam. And she can't be up here."
    "Check anyway!" He shouted, bolting into Sadie's room.
    I opened the door to my bedroom, calling Lillian's name in vain. She never left her room without telling anyone. The past couple of days, she hadn't been able to walk without help either. 
    Normally, she sat at her window to watch the rain. She talked about it too, with wishy-washy words that sounded like wistful poetry. 
    Once, when she was four, right after the doctors started treatment for some misdiagnosed disease, it rained like this. Pouring in sheets intermixed with violent claps of thunder. Lillian disappeared, just like now. Sadie found her lying in a puddle because for whatever reason the rain made the pain more tolerable. 
    I froze at the top of the stairs. 
    Sadie found her lying in a puddle... 
    "Sam! Raven!" I flew down the stairs. "She's outside." 
    "In the rain?" Sam asked skeptically. 
    "In the rain," Raven said. 
    Raven burst into the storm with frightened abandon, yelling Lillian's name. The horrible desperation ringing in her voice as she sped towards the tank made me sick. 
    "You stay in the house," I instructed Sam. "In case she comes back."
    I headed towards the barn, though I knew Lillian hated it there. She only liked animals when she could watch them from her window, especially birds. We nicknamed her little canary because she sang all the time. 
    Lillian was happier than anyone I knew, even though she was dying. 
    I'd barely slopped inside the rickety old barn before Raven shrieked my name. The water in my socks squelched as I turned, attempting to pinpoint her voice. I ran into the middle of the yard, unable to see through the pouring rain. 
    Where would Lillian go?
    
An idea struck me and I took off in the direction of the tank, where a grove of oak trees lived. The twins played Pocahontas there when Lillian felt well enough. 
    The trees grew close together, creating shelter from the storm. Drips of water sprinkled off the leaves. The wet earth reeked and the moisture in the air thickened, making it hard to breathe. "Lillian?" I called out. 
    "Over here," Raven's tone strained. 
    Lillian rested against a tree surrounded by a puddle, a peaceful expression on her face. 
    "Hi, Auryon," Her weak voice betrayed the pain infested in her. 
    Raven clutched her twin's wrist. Lillian smiled at her, then grimaced as cramps attacked.
    "Auryon, tell her she's not going to die today," pleaded Raven, staring at Lillian, her eyes like shattered glass. 
    "I am dying," Lillian stated like one might say I'm going to take a nap. 
    
"Why are you not afraid?" Raven asked. 
    "No reason to be." She flinched with another bout of pain. "There is only joy after death for me. I'm tired of the pain."
    Raven pulled her close. "Why out here? Why not in your bed with Sam and Sadie around?"
    A broken glance was shot at me, but I felt helpless watching life seep slowly from Lillian's body. 
    "The rain is my favorite place," Lillian held out her hands to catch water droplets dripping from the leaves. "You've always known that, Raven." The rain picked up and Lillian lay down in the mud. 
    "Lillian, no!" Raven wailed, tears painting her face. 
    I could see the life in Lillian's eyes fade with every second beating by. She held Raven's fingers tight. 
    "No more pain, Raven. No more pain."
    Her hand went limp in Raven's grasp and fell to rest in the rain that had always meant so much to her. 

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4 Comments
  • Nadia Kotova

    Thanks so much!


    11 months ago
  • timtam.9

    I swear I almost cried reading this. The characters are so relatable and Lillian’s actions in this provoked a lot of emotion. I loved it!


    11 months ago
  • Nadia Kotova

    Thank you!


    11 months ago
  • The Bubbling Pen

    Beautiful piece of writing - there's so much meaning behind each word! I love it xx


    11 months ago