Peer Review by SomeFormOfWriting (United States)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?


ROY G BIV | Peace and Quiet

By: Doktor Habit


FREE WRITING

        

"He's not going to talk to you, you know that?!"
'Retto shouted after Indie, who was currently making their way towards Bleu's room. They could hear the sound of a rhythm game being played, blaring from what they guessed was the TV. Baioretto huffed.
"Your funeral, then!" He stomped off, leaving his younger sibling alone in the hall.
Indie took a deep breath and knocked lightly on the door. There was no response for a minute, and they got ready to leave, but the music from behind the door stopped.
"What is it?" Bleu asked with a hint of annoyance to his voice.
"U..uh.." Indie raised their voice to where they could be heard better. "I..just want to, uh. I want to hang out, for a bit..I-if that's okay."
The door clicked softly, and the music resumed. Indie reached out and opened the door a crack.
Bleu's room was fairly organized. It had a couple of shelves, full of both books and game cases tucked neatly into rows. There was a large tv mounted on the wall--currently displaying Bleu's game of Project DIVA--with a drawer underneath it. Posters of different TV shows and video games were plastered on the walls. His laptop was charging on a messily made bed. Bleu was kicked back in a bean bag chair as he played. Indie took a seat on the floor next to him and watched for a while. It took a bit for Bleu to speak again. He turned to Indie.
"Do you want to play?"
"Huh..? Wait," Indie began, "you want me to play?" 
Bleu shrugged. "I think you'd be good at it. Here--I'll find an easier song for you." 
After giving them a quick rundown of the controls and how the game worked, Bleu set the difficulty to easy, found one of the 'beginner' songs (Weekender Girl, for example,) and allowed Indie some time to get used to the controls.
They were definitely better at it than he'd expected, and soon the two were competing over who could get a better score on what, climbing difficulty levels and trying different songs. As they played, Bleu was so much more..expressive than Indie thought he could be. He was laughing, cracking wise, and grinning like an idiot as he worked to beat whatever record they had set. Bleu was thinking the same thing. Indie was jokingly insulting Bleu, taunting him all in good spirit when he goofed a note or his finger slipped. He didn't expect that out of them--they seemed like such a shy person. And, in all honesty? He kind of liked it. At one point, Indie glanced down at their watch. Their eyes widened.
"Ah, jeez-- I'm sorry, I need to go! I was supposed to head out to dinner with 'Retto and Rosado!"
"Rosado?" Bleu raised an eyebrow. "Are you about to third wheel them, or?"
"You bet I am." Indie giggled softly, hopping up from the floor. "It's been fun, Bleu..!"
"Hey, before you go--can I ask you something?" Bleu stood as well, a soft smile on his face. Indie nodded.

"Can we hang out like this more often?"


Message to Readers

d'aww


Peer Review

This was really sweet... A bit more mundane compared to your other ROY G BIV pieces, but I think it was greatly needed. You need to appreciate the little things in life, y'know? And Bleu and Indie's interactions are so adorable.


Hm... I think it's good as is? Maybe add more of Indie's inner thoughts to answer why they wanted to hang out with Bleu, and whether they were nervous about knocking on Bleu's door.


Reviewer Comments

These characters have a special place in my heart. This was such a sweet, pure installment. This was a review of the MyFormOfWriting Competition way back when, sorry it took me so long to review!