Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
Working Title. Chapter One.
This piece had a very unexpected ending. The twist at the end means that I was intrigued and wanted to read the piece multiple times before forming an opinion of it. Well done on building tension and mystery.
At the moment, the short length of the piece means that it lacks clarity - try to deepen the characterisation of the persona, as well as her motivations, and lengthen the plot.
Keep up the good work! To make this piece even better, look over the notes on grammar/punctuation highlighted. Also, keep working on making your dialogue as natural and similar to real conversation as possible, by reading it aloud and pretending that you yourself are the character speaking.