Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
My own words - "Here is a mess, a monster of myself"
This was really just an amazing piece. What drew me in was the first part with Ryder refusing to talk to the psychologist (or counsellor?) I have read stories that include the same sort of thing, and I have often enjoyed them, so I thought that I might read this story and ended up really liking it. Also, kudos for the lack of swearing!
I would love to know why one woman wasn't real but Tina was. The main character feels like a living person because he has real life problems like divorce, friends, etc. Also because of his sullenness and anger, he seems more real.
I would really like to have some background on whether or not this is reality, or just a dream, or where he is. I think that could be expanded on. But overall I think this excerpt had almost nothing wrong with it.
I don't have much of a sense of where it takes place, but that's okay because it seems like Ryder is in a compound, or maybe a psychologist's office?
This was really great! Super engrossing, it surprised me in a good way. I also applaud your almost lack of grammar mistakes (that I noticed, anyways) and that you only had one spelling mistake (I pointed it out). I totally want to read more of this now.
Great work! I think this is competition-worthy! Best of luck.