Quille

United States of America

"Serve the Lord with gladness; come before his presence singing."
Psalm 100:2

18yo Christian Fantasy writer.

Profile pic is my own artwork

Message to Readers

Here it is! The very first part of the novel I've been working on for the past three months.
Please criticize it VERY harshly. Don't worry about hurting my feelings. According to my sister, I don't have any :D

Elfboy Chapter 1

November 18, 2018

    After my dad died, I was sent to live with my chubby aunt Sally and thirteen-year-old cousin, Julie, near the small town of Orangeboro, Kentucky. I was really happy there for awhile--apart from missing Dad.
 
  I mean, I was happy there, until school started.

    "Stop worrying, Chris," Julie said as the two of us stood at the end of Aunt Sally's driveway, waiting in the fog for the bus. "I promise, the school's all right."

    I didn't like being talked to like that by a thirteen-year-old, after all, I was going on seventeen, but I needed the reassurance. I had always been homeschooled before Dad died and I imagined that I would get picked on a good deal in a public school. But Aunt Sally and Julie were right. 

    The school here was much different than I imagined.

    Everyone on the bus was really friendly, even the driver, who I thought looked just like an old crab.

    That only lasted until he got on the bus.

    The driver had stopped the bus in front of an overgrown driveway with a broken gate and a smashed-up mailbox. An old, decaying house was only just visible through the bushes and fog, but I could see that the windows were all boarded over and a wall had fallen down.

    The bus door opened with a reluctant sort of grinding. Everyone stopped chattering at once and sat still in their seats.

    Hardly daring, I turned my head the slightest bit towards the door.

    An extremely tall, thin kid, who I judged to be about my age, pulled himself onto the bus. He wore all black clothes; a t-shirt, ripped up jeans, and a hooded jacket that was at least three sizes too big. All I could see of his face through the dark hair that almost came to his shoulders was a pair of thick, wire-framed glasses resting on a thin, hooked nose.

    He mumbled a greeting to the driver, but wasn't answered.

    Then he turned and gripped the backs of two seats with his big, gnarly hands and swung himself forward.

    All the other kids silently looked away, almost terrified expressions on their faces. Julie inched closer to me and cast her eyes to the floor.

    He kept coming closer the same way, grabbing the backs of seats and hauling himself forward. A pained look creased his face each time he moved. When he was about halfway to my seat, I saw why: his right leg was twisted almost backwards.

    Startled, I shot my eyes to his face. He stared back and I caught a glimpse of terribly piercing eyes behind the thick lenses that gave me a shudder. 

    After about a minute of staring, he gave me a strange kind of half-smile and mercifully moved on.

    I had expected--more like hoped-- that the buzz of conversation would pick up once he was seated at the back. It didn't. The silence that he brought on the bus stayed, suffocating all the friendliness and warmth I'd felt before.

    That bus ride seemed to last forever, but it was probably about an hour. When it finally ended, I found myself rushing for the door, gasping for breath. I felt almost as if I'd just come out of a long, dark, silent tunnel.

    "Chris?" Julie's voice broke in on my relief.

    "Yeah?"

    "You stay away from him." She nodded at the bus, then ran into the brick school building with the rest.

    I glanced back at the bus and saw the kid with the limp staring at me through the window as he made his way towards the door.

    As curious as I was, I fully intended to stay away from him.

 

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32 Comments
  • Take7

    This is pretty cool... :)


    7 months ago
  • Johanna

    Yay! I've finally started reading it!! I'm so hooked and excited!!


    10 months ago
  • spearmint

    WHY do I have the feeling that they become friends?


    10 months ago
  • Sydni Whitfield

    SO good!!


    11 months ago
  • The Idiotic Philosopher

    Really cool!


    11 months ago
  • paperbird

    woah!!! this is so cool. i mean i'm guessing the action picks up a little later, but you've set up the story nicely. let me guess--is this the kind of storyline where the underdog hero develops powers and goes on grand adventure?
    i will definitely catch up on this. i know you're pretty close to finishing at this point, but i'll keep reading!


    11 months ago
  • Lee Fudge

    Pretty good! I’ve been meaning to check this series out!


    11 months ago
  • majestically awkward manatee

    WOAH! Great work!!! I am already hooked and totally looking forward to reading more!!!


    11 months ago
  • rainandsonder

    Fantastic work! I'm so intrigued by this chapter. I love your writing style and the descriptions, particularly of the house and the strange boy. However, some of the transitions or expositions were a little stiff, but other than that, great work!


    11 months ago
  • Quille

    Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!! :DD


    12 months ago
  • f l o r a

    I reviewed this. Just thought I might tell you.


    12 months ago
  • nandikaspai

    I just started reading this, but it's pulled me in already, I'm so excited to read more!


    12 months ago
  • Fernweh

    You Literally made me hold my breath when you introduced the boy in black clothes!! Awesome!!


    12 months ago
  • Quille

    Wow, thanks, @ViSchultz07! To get that kind of feedback means a lot to me :)
    Hope you enjoy the rest :)


    12 months ago
  • ViSchultz07

    I was literally reacting out loud to your writing and I hardly ever do that. I’ve just started to read your book but I can’t wait to read more


    12 months ago
  • ViSchultz07

    I was literally reacting out loud to your writing and I hardly ever do that. I’ve just started to read your book but I can’t wait to read more


    12 months ago
  • Quille

    Thanks @nezi_nes, your feedback is very much appreciated! :D :D
    I will publish another chapter to add to your reading list either today or as early as possible tomorrow :)
    Thanks again for reading! :D


    12 months ago
  • nezi_nes

    Great setting and characterisation, and also as Luna Lemon said, imagery is on point. One thing though when I was reading at the start, I felt the first lines to be a bit abrupt, and when I re-read it they're missing the "style" of the rest of this piece. I suggest placing "after my dad died" somewhere later. Maybe include how Chris missed his dad because when he recounts this part it seems a bit detached. But overall, I'm so happy there's already 7 chapters I can binge-read tomorrow haha!


    12 months ago
  • nezi_nes

    Mmm I am excited about who this mysterious person is...


    12 months ago
  • Quille

    Oh my goodness, thank you! @Luna Lemon, SOO appreciated!!! :D


    12 months ago
  • Luna Lemon

    I agree with what everyone is saying! You have a gift in writing novels, it flows so effortlessly and you built up the "suspense" with the new kid really well. I like how you wrote it so that Chris is in a way telling us the story. It really adds a realness to both Chris and the novel so that I already feel like I know him as a character.
    The new kid on the bus is really intriguing as well and despite the last line, I think we're definitely going to be seeing more of him;) You're writing is phenomenal btw. The clear imagery I get is astounding, lines such as, "overgrown driveway with a broken gate and a smashed-up mailbox. An old, decaying house was only just visible through the bushes and fog, but I could see that the windows were all boarded over and a wall had fallen down" really show how you much through you put into your words to enhance the story.
    Amazing job on this first chapter! I can't wait to read the others:)


    12 months ago
  • Quille

    Thank you! :D


    12 months ago
  • ryxxry

    okay I just read this first chapter and I can't wait to read more. I mean the way you wrote this makes me want to read more to find out what happens. It is such a great mystery that you want to solve.


    12 months ago
  • _TJNR@cheshire_

    This is really intriguing and gets me in. I love the character development, the mystery, giving me a thirst for more. I can't wait to read the next part!


    12 months ago
  • camlily

    This was sooo interesting- you really have a talent for writing stories; you wrote it in a way that was really easy to read, and it felt natural. If this was a book sold in an actual bookstore, I would buy it, and this is only the first chapter!! Great job :DD I can't wait to see where it goes from here.


    12 months ago
  • Quille

    Yay!


    12 months ago
  • Silver Pen

    KEEP WORKING ON IT. This is good, so I'm on to the next chapter.


    12 months ago
  • Quille

    @Ryder, it only took three months to write the whole novel, but I'm still working on it. :D


    12 months ago
  • Ryder

    This is fantastic! It only took three months to write this part, or the whole novel?
    Keep writing, and God bless :}


    12 months ago
  • Mangolover

    Sounds interesting so far :) Would like to read more!


    12 months ago
  • Quille

    Thanks for the support! It is very needed :D


    12 months ago
  • RNE

    Brilliant! Looking forward for more!!


    12 months ago