Peer Review by AminahMcBina (United States)

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My Still Revolution

By: R.j.Elsewhere


FREE WRITING

Soft was my mutiny,
Certain was my treason,
And quite was my uprising
 
Putting myself first was a gentle thing, an overnight thing, a well overdue thing;
One of tender rebellion and diplomatic riot –
Whisper of warfare,
Rumour of casualty
 
My battalion came treading one by one;
hush, hush
 
Creeping and carving the throats,
Stealing and ringing the necks,
Tiptoeing and guillotining the heads;
Of my Monarchs of Shame,
Kings of Dread,
And Queens of Prejudice
 
This I did and more, with a call so silent and small
For me,
And me,
And me,
And just,
me

Ummm Enjoy? 

Peer Review

"Creeping and carving the throats, Stealing and ringing the necks, Tiptoeing and guillotining the heads..." These lines surprised me. These lines were written so perfectly with a dark side; i'm at a loss of words.


If a work is written as a poem, I think a few words-if correctly placed- ignites emotion, and doesn't need further explanation. These lines were well put and the description, amazing. Nothing needs to be added, just try looking at my suggestions on your piece!


Reviewer Comments

You are very talented, continue to write and improve!

Well done,
Mina