Peer Review by LyraLynne (United States)

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Draw a Star

By: Lee Fudge


FREE WRITING

Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
Why are you so hard to draw?
Come on,
It shouldn’t be this hard to draw,
ten staright lines!

Twinkle twin- DANG IT!
Little star,
I’m not doing good so far.
Come on,
I need this for school!

Twinkle twinkle lit- NO!
Little Star.
Just let me draw you!
THIS SHOULDN’T BE THIS HARD!
I SEE STARS EVERY NIGHT I SHOULD KNOW HOW TO DRAW ONE!

Twinkle tw-
You know what?
Forget this.
I’m going to just draw an asterisk.


Message to Readers

Please review this


Peer Review

The whole thing is just so enjoyable to read. It's funny, relatable, and you can clearly picture this happening to anyone. I honestly just can't stop laughing the more I read it.


I mean, not really. I guess, in order to maximize the funny, you can try to have the poem work in time with the song. That way you can sing your way through the whole thing. Then it makes the ending line that much funnier. Because you're singing your way through the beginning and then the end being spoken shows the contrast and how fed up the speaker is.


Reviewer Comments

This is an amazing piece. It brings joy and feelings of, "OMG ME TOO!" in every word. My only advice is to align in more with the song in the beginning to make a bigger impact in the end but that's it. I adore this so much. Good job!