Peer Review by books and beaches (United States)

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#booksandbeacheswritingcontest - even the rain

By: paperbird


FREE WRITING

he could still feel her spit clinging to his jawline, and then the tip of her nose, warm, as she whispered in his ear.  she had hated him.  she had told him so.  her angry features had blurred his world.  for a fraction of a second, she had cared enough to hate him, and then it was gone.  then she had spit on him, reminding him of his worth. 
he was worthy of her sink, of her coffee cup.  he was worthy of the dust his initials were drawn lovingly into, so long ago... but she had spit on those, too.
he walked to his apartment.  the skies were darkening, and misty rain began to fall, dappling the sidewalks and the oily air.  his coat was soaked, warmly, in the humidity.  tiny droplets ran rivers down his glasses.  they put tears  to his eyes.
her saliva swirled in mixture with the water, grotesque, lovely.
he knew even the rain could not wash it away.

Contest here.

Message to Readers

Normally I don't write about love or breakups or anything but this kind of poetic format came to me and I thought it could be good. Let me know what you think; feedback appreciated :)


Peer Review

Wow! That was a punch in the face! It was so creative and left the reader thinking!


I would like to know some backstory, because this really had me wondering ‘why?’


Reviewer Comments

Thank you so much for participating in my contest! The support means so much and this is such an amazing piece! It’s definitely in the running for first! Keep on writing!