I vomit everything out
It forms into coherent sentences by my fingers tapping of their own accord
(Somehow. Don’t ask me how)
I read the sentences
And I discover that’s how I feel towards the very thing that was previously jumble and mulch in my brain
It’s more of an “oh ok that’s what I was feeling”
Than a “I want to keep my thoughts for others to enjoy”
It’s more like when I write, the words which represent the ideas I’m having are physically separated from me and I can look at them from a distance. That way I can filter out the impure sludge i.e interconnecting thoughts, and just have that thought laid out in front of me so I can fully deal with it and all its essence. Cause when it’s up there I have no idea what’s going on and there is no separation of thoughts, like there’s no barrier between the start of a thought and the end of another so when I write it out it’s like bam, bam, here, this is what you’re looking at.
And when I write I’m in some sort of a trance kinda like transcribing my data onto my fingers and either I’m not thinking of anything when I do that or when something pure (read: new idea) comes up in my head I immediately write it down.
It’s like you have a one-way portal and you’re a molecule among a million others (realistically much more than that but nevermind) and you’re trying to find your friends in the crowd but with all the other molecules around you, you can’t. But writing is like you as a molecule hopping onto that portal onto a screen and your friends being magnetically attracted to that and one by one they also jump onto the screen along with you and you can find each other again and the end result is lines on the Google Doc.
And sometimes the ideas come to me so fast I literally have to abandon what I’m typing to write the impulse idea I just had, and then after that I don’t really know what to do with that previous unfinished line (either I remember what I was thinking before that or I completely forget or in the end I think it’s irrelevant and delete it). Exactly what happened with the portal thing above cause I realise I was thinking about this stuff that is this paragraph so I abandoned that idea temporarily to write this para and now I shall go back to writing the previous paragraph).
I also get extremely annoyed at typos because I KNOW THEY’RE THERE I JUST DON’T HAVE THE TIME TO CORRECT THEM CAUSE I’M WRITING OUT MY IDEAS BUT THEY KEEP BOTHERING ME AND I GET SIDELINED FROM MY WRITING FROM THOSE RED SQUIGGLY LINES YES I KNOW THEY’RE THERE OK GO AWAY
Another analogy! It’s like when you’re running a race and sprinting and you get all puffed up with your breath, and then when you finish running your breath slowly returns to normal. So when an idea comes I’m blurting everything out and then after that’s done and I exhausted everything to do with it, I look back and add/edit things with a less hysterical and tunnel vision attitude.
I don’t give myself time to think about what I’m thinking, I just write it out before I realise I wrote it. If it makes enough sense to be coherent I write it down.
And then when I re-read what I wrote I’m like oh is this what you were thinking, yeah I like this thinking it completely agrees with my thought patterns and who I am yeah I wrote this
Basically writing helps me figure out the thoughts in my head. Yeah.
Okay I understand now.
An impulse piece with minor edits. I honestly would be very surprised if anyone else on this earth has the same exact writing process as this. If so, well hello...