Peer Review by loveletterstosappho (United States of America)()

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the girl who fell in love #booksandbeacheswritingcontest

By: Anha


they say you become a different person when you fall in love. that you change. and i say so too. i believe it.

i fell in love. too many times.

i fell in love with the girl with the blue hair. when i was still young and naive, i met the girl with the waves of the ocean in her mane, her voice a sultry tune that rocked me to sleep in her lap on my sixteenth birthday. she smelled like salted caramel, the taste still clinging to her lips like a sugared coating. and like the sea, the tide took her away from me.

i fell in love with the girl with the green eyes. still tasting salt on my tongue from the loss of my last love, i saw her resting on the old oak bench, remnants of autumn left in her long, flowing hair. but as wilting leaves fall, she too fell from my favour, her lazy yellow hues turning an angry red before my very eyes.

i fell in love with the girl with the hummingbird hairpin. i pinned it to her denim jacket in the middle of a salvos store, australia's goodwill. i'd seen it first, but she'd taken it with her. we met twice, a week apart, and she gave me her hummingbird pin. equivalent exchange, she called it. i gave the pin to my sister. my love for her was fleeting, unapologetic yet lingering.

i fell in love with the girl with the empty sketchbook. the fifth time we met, i asked her why it was blank if she carried it with her everywhere. she told me that she was afraid to mar the pristine paper with meaningless scribbles, smudged graphite, splotches of paint not so easily wiped away. i drew a smiley face on the first page, and she smiled too.

i fell in love with the girl with the silver tongue. seeing her on stage, her arms as expressive as if she were conducting an orchestra, the tones of her voice carrying me on a wave. it drowns me at times, leaves me unable to breathe, then slapping me in the face with a stark realisation the next. the waves of her voice carried me into a relationship i now know i wasn't ready for. she would beat me against a wall with her words, then caress my cheek with phony whispers. her words held me captive for too long.

i fell in love with the girl with the butterfly tattoo. the ink on her skin looked like it was about to fly away. i let her mark me - my first. i knew in the back of my mind that she'd marked others before me. i was still young, but less naive. i should have known better.

i love the taste of salted caramel. i planted an oak tree in my yard. i have three denim jackets now. a paint-stained shirt lies at the back of my closet. i politely decline invitations to slam poetry performances. i unconsciously finger the bumblebee tattoo behind my ear under the guise of tucking back a strand of hair.

i fell in love with the girl with the blue hair, and the girl with the green eyes. i fell in love with the girl with the round glasses and the girl with the empty sketchbook. i fell in love with the girl with the silver tongue and with the butterfly tattoo. then, i fell in love with you.

i wrote the entire thing and then wtw deleted my work thanks a lot
i had to rewrite this from memory
ugh this was so much better before

Message to Readers

more sapphic bullshit help me write actual fiction pls

Peer Review

the beauty of moving on is represented so well here and so is the concept of love as a whole. my gay heart couldn't deal with all the detail and softness and love for women

i think you could go further into the effect left on you by the girl with the butterfly tattoo. it's very subtle right now, which works well, but if you wanted you could drop a few more details (they would also have to be v subtle though because the subtlety and simplicity is what makes it so powerful)

Reviewer Comments

some of the highlighted phrases have more than one highlighted comment on them so be aware of that when reading the highlights. this is beautiful and it p much gave you the key to my heart