Peer Review by Aarushikrishnan (United States)

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Seraphim

By: Doktor Habit


    
I opened my eyes, and immediately I felt as if they had been gouged out. I squeezed them shut but it was much too late. One million tiny daggers pierced through my eyelids and cleaved into my skull, forcing me to open them again. A horrible holy light spilled into my vision again. I saw dancing figures and swirling infernos. I saw spinning strobe lights and flickering coronas. I saw a hand reaching out towards me. Its palm was stretched towards me, as if ready to pluck me from the ground where I stood. The light began to consume the sky further. My vision began to flood with a bright yellow. I screamed for nobody to hear.

Nobody to hear, but one. He cursed loudly and slammed the window shut, sending an echoing clatter across the house. The house was now completely silent save for the man's adrenaline-fueled footsteps across the floor. He heard an odd noise--almost a whispering. A hum, a wind. A pale yellow glow began forming in the other room. He cursed again. This would prove to be a fatal mistake. The murmur from the area stopped. It turned to a low-pitched rumble as it slipped under the doorway with ease. The man threw a brick into the window. The shattered glass screamed in pain and collapsed to the floor. He hopped out, thudding to the ground outside. He forgot that it had taken the sky. A wail of anguish poured into the air, rushing from the man's throat and straining his vocal cords. His screaming became muffled.

It took a deep breath when its feet first touched the ground. Cold, pleasant air filled its lungs. This would be a perfect place to stay. It saw somebody and called a hello. The human turned, and their eyes widened like a deer in headlights. They collapsed to the grassy ground and began clawing at their own face. Their nails scraped against the now-irritated skin, drawing blood and dragging scrapes and cuts upon their eyes, upon their mouth. It grew frantic and rushed to their side. It made a loud hum to get their attention. The human opened their eyes to look at it again. It offered them a soft smile. The human's mouth suddenly swung agape. Panicked, it reached a hand out and tried to shake the human back to its senses. However..it flinched back. The human had become freezing all of a sudden. Their eyes were rolled back in their head, their face a sickly white. Their skin felt like wet sandpaper. That's all it could think up to describe the texture.
The Seraphim didn't understand.


Message to Readers

angels made of neon and...actually scratch that it's just neon


Peer Review

I loved the first sense the most- visual. The way you described it almost made me feel like I was standing there watching this macabre tale unfold. Impressive!


The subtle imagery you used helps enormously with picturing your writing. Referencing sensory inputs like color, background noise, and so on gives total immersion, which you are clearly very good at!


Reviewer Comments

This was gruesomely beautiful to read. I completely loved it, and each sentence I read kept me asking, and kept me reading. Very well done, this is a remarkable piece!