Peer Review by SomeFormOfWriting (United States)

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Colors #SFOW5

By: Made4Love


FREE WRITING

     Ray and Rain call in their children from another room to be introduced to their aunt and uncle, Sun and Cloud.
     The children all come running in all at the same time, as typical. Though they do their own thing most of the time, on special occasions they all stay together.
     As they enter the room, they subconsciously line up in a specific order. This is also typical of them.

     Red is first in line, feet apart and ready for anything. Although she and her siblings are lined up across the length of the room, she stands slightly in front of the sibling beside her. One of her hands grips a journal, where she writes love letters to her imaginary crush. She dreams of a fairy-tale happily-ever-after. The other hand is clenched in a fist because, despite her romantic pastime, she is clearly in an argument with one of her siblings, which is reflected in the flash of anger on her face. She is her school's fastest sprinter. She is also the school drama queen.
     Orange balances precariously beside (and slightly behind) Red, though you can't miss her. She is always dying her hair bright colors and wearing some funky outfit. This she does as an effort to stand out. You see, between Red and her other sister, she can sometimes seem invisible. However, she's the thoughtful one, always taking precautions to ensure that no one gets hurt when she and her siblings are roughhousing - ironic, considering her own clumsiness. Her paint-splattered apron reveals her passion for the canvas. Abstract art is her expression of boldness. 
     Yellow bounces beside Orange, positively bursting with excitement. There's always something going on in her life that she's got to share. To anyone else, whatever she's about to gush about may seem trivial, but she has this way of making it interesting or funny for everyone. Music is her outlet, and she's got a lovely voice. Her t-shirt reads "JOY" in big bold letters, with a smiley face inside the "O." She's got this ridiculous smile on her face and her eyes are sparkling. With her cheerful disposition and energetic attitude, there is never a dull moment when she's around.
     Green stands proudly beside Yellow. I'm guessing that he was the one arguing with Red. Red thinks that she and two particular siblings are more important to... well, I don't know. He argues that he's just as important. Anyway, Green hates that he is always compared to Red, as they are total opposites. Green is a vegetarian. And a cross country runner. He loves the outdoors, and right now carries a tall stick with him which he found lying on the ground outside earlier, and is using as a staff. Despite his frequent bickering with Red, he's the peacemaker of the family.
     Blue slumps beside Green. He's not going to tell anybody, but the girl he likes just turned him down. Whereas Orange tries to be seen, Blue doesn't usually mind the background. He's quiet, but very emotional and easily upset. Though he speaks little, his mind is always busy. He writes his feelings in a diary which he always keeps on his person. He's got a special pen tucked in his pocket as well; he is very picky about the quality of his writing instrument. His favorite season is Autumn, and he loves thunderstorms because they are dangerously exciting. He also adores the ocean, and the fascinating world that exists underneath its surface.  
     Purple is poised beside Blue, distracted from the introductions due to his intense focus on his broken fingernail. It bothers him because he's a perfectionist. He hates to appear dressed anything less than impeccably. He's always composed, and moves with the sort of grace born of years of dance lessons. Whenever someone thinks he's weird for doing a "girls" activity (men can dance too) he gives them the same glare he's currently aiming at his hangnail. Being distracted is a common occurrence for him. He's got an amazing capacity for philosophy, and so is often caught up in deep thought. Unlike Yellow, Purple could stay in one spot all day, contemplating poetry and doodling detailed designs in his notebook.

     After introductions are concluded, all the children clamor to be the first to entertain their guest.  
     "Want to hear a joke I made up? I got an A on my math test yesterday! Can I sing you a song I learned today? I know you'll love it!" She bobs her head up and down furiously as if to emphasize her point. In her excitement, her hands fly up and smack Purple in the chest. "Sorry!" She tosses over her shoulder.
     "Aunt Sun!" bellows Red. "Who do you like better? Me or Green? Do you think a boy will ever like me? Ouch, Orange, you stepped on my foot!" She nudges her way in front of all her siblings.
     "Uncle Cloud!" calls out Purple. "Listen to this! I was thinking the other day about how light from the stars reaches us here light years later, and it made me realize-- wow, Yellow, you almost made me fall over!" Purple wobbles a bit, but manages to keep his balance.
     "Aunt Sun!" shouts Orange. "Follow me to my room! I want to show you the painting I just finished! Sorry, Red. Maybe we should back up a little and give Aunt and Uncle some space. Careful, Yellow!" 
     "Uncle Cloud!" exclaims Green. "Look at what I found by the tree this morning! Isn't it cool? Red, there's no need to get angry at Orange. And Red, you are not better than me!"
     Blue taps Aunt Sun on the shoulder. "Can you take me to see the ocean someday? I really want to go, but no one else wants to!" His voice can barely be heard over those of his siblings, and he looks overwhelmed by all the commotion. 

     Everyone is talking at once, but eventually Aunt Sun and Uncle Cloud figure out a solution so each child can get attention. Fifteen minutes later, Orange stumbles into the room with her painting supplies and sets up everything. She begins painting, her hand surprisingly steady with the brush. Purple waltzes in with a radio, turns it on, and proceeds to perform his dance routine. Blue, meanwhile, has plopped down on the rug and is writing something in his diary. He picks up his worry stone with the hand that isn't writing, and rolls it over and over in his palm. Yellow skips around the room, chattering about her math test and some humorous incident that happened earlier at lunch. Red sits on the sofa directly across from Aunt Sun and Uncle Cloud. She flips her hair dramatically, then explains why Romance books are the best kind of book and boasts about her 100 meter dash times. And the whole time, she is shooting annoyed glances at Green, who is staring out the window from his seat on the carpet. His staff lays beside him while he intentionally ignores Red's glares, mentally preparing his speech about the benefits of distance running.
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Please help me with the ending! I'm not sure that this one is working, so if you have any ideas, let me know. Thanks!
This is for a prompt by SomeFormOfWriting. Info can be found here, and prompts up to this point can be found here. Check it out! The prompt was "give each color of the rainbow a distinct personality by showing how they all interact."
This was difficult, yet surprisingly fun to write.

Peer Review

This was super fun to read! I thought you used a bit too much "telling not showing" (but I do that a lot, and I don't really mind), but I really liked the instances where you "showed," like with Blue and the worry stone and Purple's royalty.


I think during the scenes where they interact with their Aunt and Uncle, most of the children all act the same, all shouting and whatnot, whereas, I don't think all the children would act like that. Maybe make their ways of speaking more distinct, or give them habits (running fingers through hair, putting hand on chin, etc.). I would also like to witness how they all interact when it's just them (the siblings, that is), and in a more calm environment (hence the ending idea).


Reviewer Comments

First, thank you so much for responding to one of my prompts! Second, this was super fun to read. I personally love looking up color meanings and whatnot, so it's awesome to see the characteristics put onto people and see which ones would get along and which wouldn't. Let me know if you think of an ending!