Peer Review by pencils.and.paper.roses (United States)

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queen of my heart

By: Anha


the woman of my heart is a fickle queen
who surrounds herself with piles of gold
reminders of her wealth and esteem
a token of the power that she holds
within her grasp are jewels that shine
proclaiming her virtues as she tosses them
to the peasants and commoners and swine
on the streets. she makes herself known by the hem
of her dress and the lace of her sleeves
that are tailor-made, scrutinised
by ruby eyes
so that no one will be able to believe
anything than what they are shown -
this facade of the queen
that they have long known
for her sharp tongue and quick wit
and hard smirk and deft hand
as she sends fools to the grave
and matyrs to the slaughter
their kindness a weakness
that she will not uphold in her lands.
she surrounds herself with whispers of poison
voices of reason that reek with greed
and a clambering hunger to rise to the top,
to reach that final goal and snatch
the golden crown from her bloodied elm locks
but they will never succeed.
for little do they know
that her crown is sewed tight to her skull
the pain a reminder to herself
that jewels are worthless in a dying queendom
her sleeves are old and tattered, her mother's
wedding gown from decades lost, the hem
sweeps the floor, a netting of abandoned
webs on its edge as she roams throughout
her derelict castle, the stone
echoing with every step that repeats
'this is no longer your home.'
she sends those who assaulted her sisters
to a quick death rather than watch
as she condemns them to starvation
in the streets, the stone
so much colder than her own,
the so-called martyrs
are nothing but ursurpers and in the end
the queen's crown falls.
not to the poison.
not to the fools.
not to the martyrs.
but to her own loneliness.
the woman of my heart is a fickle queen
but at least she is no king.

Message to Readers

Creativity, tell me why I can write this and not all the other things I'm meant to be writing? A word vomit in the style of a rhyming-rhythmic slam poem of some kind? Idk. Enjoy I guess

Peer Review

I like how she seems sometimes to contradict herself. First surroundings g herself with piles of gold, then throwing the jewels to the peasants. If I’m wrong about, please tell me, lol! I love the last line!! I can’t even explain why, I just absolutely love it.

How did she die of her own loneliness? It Just doesn’t make sense to me.

Reviewer Comments

Amazing piece overall! :D This was the third of three prize reviews from my co text forever ago. All three were great pieces, congrats! :D