Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Its a somewhat playful voice of the narrator; casual, even. Perhaps you are trying to make the speech more relatable to your audience, which is a good technique in persuasive writing.
The idea of change was quite vague. You introduced the theme of change more towards the end of the piece. The end doesn't particularly link to the start of the piece. The introduction and conclusion should mostly if not always link together when it comes to Speech/Persuasive writing.
You added in a personal experience. Another good technique, to draw the reader in and take an interest in you and your life, and how it has been impacted on the topic you are discussing. We could tell how much Mr Leopold had an effect on you as a person, and talked to you briefly about the subject of change.
I felt somewhat satisfied. But the first section of the piece was more of a diary entry or reflexion. Its good to add your own personal experience, and with this speech in particular that is what your supposed to do. You did that weel in the second section, but the first section was very relevant to the subject of the piece. Or at least, it didn't seem like that from a readers point of view. Try to get a balance between experiences, facts, points, examples and technqiues. It will really improve your persuasive writing.
This piece caught my interest. I can tell you have no trouble in expressing yourself as a person, which I admire. You have a lot of potential as a writer!
Keep up the good work!