Peer Review by AbigailSauble (United States)

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Life's Journey

By: Victoria Penning


FREE WRITING

Tayila shoved her way through the brush and trees. Branches reached out with their twisted and crooked fingers, grasping at her clothes and tearing her skin. She grimaced, but ignored the pain. Pain wasn’t something she could focus on. Her legs drove her faster as she grit her teeth and pushed herself harder. She could hear the crashing behind her as what she was running from drew closer. She could almost imagine her pursuers hot breath pouring down her neck. A sliver of beautiful, golden light appeared up ahead. Her hopes began to rise. Maybe this time, for the first time, she would make it. Her foot reached out to cross into the light when a black, gnarly hand reached out and grasped her arm. She let out a gasp that turned into a choked scream as she was jerked away from the light and into the darkness. A deep, gravely voice rumbled out above her head. The stench of his breath made her gag, but his words stopped her heart.  
     “You won’t make it. You can’t make it. Soon enough, you will die.”

The hand disappeared and Tayila woke up sweating. She sat up in bed and looked around the room as she caught her breath. He was back. She should have known that she couldn't escape him. If her parents couldn't, then how could she? 


Message to Readers

I was bored the other day, so I came up with this while sitting on the kitchen floor. XD Enjoy, and let me know what you think of it. :)


Peer Review

The excitement of it.


I know that dreams are often vague, but you only touch on the 'where' she is in the very beginning, where you mention that she's shoving her way through brush and trees. It sounds like she's been here before, or in a similar situation. I'd love to know more, but I suppose just an add-on to this story would be the most helpful in adding sought-after explanations. :)


Reviewer Comments

Very well-done! I love short-exciting blurbs of writing like this. :) Keep up the good work! God bless!