Peer Review by Araw (Australia)

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Silly Silly

By: AcetheticallyPleasing


FREE WRITING

Silly, silly girl!
Silly, silly dreamer,
Silly, silly girl!

You think that you don't deserve love,
But that is far from true.
Your heart is big and made of gold,
Now who wouldn't love you?

You think that you are ugly, fat!
You're perfect as you are!
Your head is full of wonder and
Your eyes are brimmed with t̶e̶a̶r̶s̶ stars!

Silly, silly girl!
Silly, silly lover,
Silly, silly girl!

All you want is to fit in,
Be just like everyone.
But you know that you're not like them,
They're planets, you're the sun!

You're scared that everyone hates you,
Your anxiety, your biggest foe.
But every time you mention it,
Your friends' love for you grows!

Silly, silly girl!
Silly, silly loSer,
Silly, silly girl!

Your heart is heavy, not with gold
But because you're sad.
No one will go out of their way 
To make you feel wanted!

Stop pretending they like you
And just face the truth:
People have stopped caring about you
The way they did in your youth.

Silly, silly girl!
Silly, silly stupid!
Stupid, stupid girl!

 


Message to Readers

A cute little ditty I thought of after something a friend told me.


Peer Review

I like the use of italics, capitalization, bold text and crossed out text. You don't often see that in many works, but adds such a nice touch and further emphasizes the denial in the poem and the downward spiral.


I would like to see you explore the whole denial of this downward spiral just a little more. Maybe the narrator could hold it throughout the poem, denying the fact that she unloved now just like in the beginning, but in a more desperate, manic way to illustrate it. You could use the things you've done with the font in previous stanzas more frequently in the later stanzas to illustrate this desperation.


Reviewer Comments

This poem, although very simple from the first time you look at it, is really well written and the feeling that your use of techniques is incredibly subtle, but also very real. The thought you put into everything you've written here is admirable.