Peer Review by Aarushikrishnan (United States)

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Change is Opportunity

By: ciaranicoleshaw


    When some people think of change, well, not much comes to mind. Make a couple better decisions, I guess? No big deal. Maybe, but not to people like me. To people like me, change is opportunity. Given the chance to change is being given an opportunity to move on from your mistakes. Your continuous mistakes. The same mistakes that happen so much they might as well be a habit. I've made a lot of mistakes, to be completely honest. And some of them I haven't changed and honestly probably won't ever change. But one mistake, one mistake needs to be changed. Now. It's a change that so many people are afraid to make.
    For some reason, so many people-like myself- block people out of their lives. Whether there is a reason or not, we shut people out. We don't tell them what's going on, or how we feel, or about anything. And because of this, we are alone. Physically, we're not. We are surrounded by people. But mentally, it's just ourselves. Nobody else. And when we feel this way, we tend to make life a whole lot harder than it should be. We blame ourselves as well as others for feeling alone. This needs to change. We cannot block out people. We cannot keep to ourselves. If we want to get by in this world without going CRAZY, we have to let people in. We just do. I'm 14 years old, and for almost my whole lifetime-which is not very long-, I've kept to myself. Because of this, I've never been close to my family. Never had any sort of relationship with them. But it's not their fault. I shut them out. They tried to talk to me, but I would never respond. I didn't feel like I could. But very recently, I made a change. And it was the best change I could ever make for myself and my family. Already, I feel so much closer to them. I feel like I have someone to support me when I need it. I don't feel alone. I've never felt better, actually. It's taken me along time to realize that I can't keep people out of my life. I wish I had known how helpful it can be to have someone to talk too. And in the end, I'm glad I made a change. And I hope that anyone who's reading this, who feels alone, understands that you need to open up. You need to let people in. If you need help, let them help you. If you need to talk, talk. Don't be afraid to say how you feel. Believe it or  not, some people have your back. There's always one person. At least one person. Be brave and speak up. Make a change.
     Your opinion is not worthless. Your words are not worthless. Your thoughts are not worthless. And most importantly, you are not worthless. And if you think that, that's the first thing you need to change. 
                                                                -Ciara Shaw


Peer Review

You have an amazing emotional range! The way you conveyed what you felt and how isolated you felt really made me sympathize and connect with you, and that is a wonderful talent to have.


As I mentioned in the highlights, I feel that writing a few more lines on what exactly the change was and how you went about doing it would help greatly.


Your reflection part of the brief was very well executed. However, adding a few more scenes of what you felt (perhaps with your family members) can only help!


I LOVED the ending! It was flawlessly put down, no changes needed!


At the age of 14, you have astonishing writing potential. You have all my respect and appreciation :)


Reviewer Comments

An essay this great deserves a phenomenal title. While your current heading IS very good, I feel that it can be improved. How do you feel about "The Tides of Change"?