Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
Hey everbody! This piece is super important to me, so all the feedback you can give, please do!! Thanks for reading, and hope you like it! :D
I admire the subject matter the most, I think. It is wonderful to serve the Lord through missionary work and you should be proud of your plan to pursue it, and not only your plan, but how determined you are to see it through.
I do like what the author is writing about and what they are trying to say, but I feel the author could make it a bit more connected by elaborating on the first phrase in the third paragraph. Why were they nervous to tell? Though it may seem obvious, when I first read it I was a little confounded and had to have a moment to think on why this work would make anyone nervous to talk about pursing. I also would like the author to just expand a little on how they will start that orphanage and what else they may be able to do to help the children and the people. Really, don't be afraid to let loose here. Otherwise, the most emotion I felt was determination. I could feel you really want this.
Near the end, in the third paragraph, I again feel you could expand on what it meant to you to finally feel you knew what you wanted to do, and perhaps in the second paragraph, you could put in somewhere on what the pros and cons were. You surely saw many sides and different ways to look at this, and you can mention so when describing why you were nervous when approaching your parents. I think you focused a lot on reflection, so just utilize the settings more if you can. What were your parents doing? Having dinner? Watching TV? Coming back from work?
Yes, the ending was immensely relieving. I really think this is the factor that really made the reader believe the writer and recognize their passion. So no matter what you do, I strongly suggest you keep this as your last sentence, or at least near the end.
This has a great meaning and reason behind it, and emanates a truly wonderful feeling. You have a great story and can really expand and bloom if you just give it the attention where it needs attention and let the reader to know how much meaning it has and how much you thought about this, and explore where you feel comfortable adding..
This is great, and I love the message that you are telling people and what you want to do with your life. Take this and run with it and in the process don't be afraid to tell people why they should consider this too, making this a topic where you might change others minds about the profession and why they should do it. With more insight, more reason, I think the readers will connect more and realize your change and why your change is the most important change of all