Peer Review by R.j.Elsewhere (Australia)

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If I lose myself I lose it all

By: nezi_nes


FREE WRITING

“If I lose myself I lose it all”

I’m running. To or from, where or what, I can’t... I don’t know. I need to get out of my head. Get out of my head. Out.
Somewhere. Anywhere but

it can’t be found

Turning, turning, turning
Nowhere
Because I know I can never escape Myself
But I still try
I can't-

I’m running


“If I lose myself I lose it all”

It is bound by the infinite, the limitless is the ultimate limit
It suffocates
Where is refuge now?
It smothers all, everything
Particles choke and are choked, hunter and hunted
But I am the hunted

Can we ever be free from the weight of the universe?
No; and I become nothing

Yet, all is nothing
All and nothing, fused together into a fabric of burden, oppression
We cannot escape
Never truly free

I still try to run

Wearier, breathing
gasps of air


“If I lose myself I lose it all”

Can this running continue forever?

When even the Grecian Urn with all its timelessness and sterility
Falls short of Eternity’s dawdles across the cosmos
What, then, is the use of running?
When even the fletcher’s zooming arrow denies itself of motion in mid-air,
every instant a frozen snapshot of its impossible sorrow
What, then, is the use of running?
When even the arms of an old maid tire of labour, and the most viciously-stirred pot of soup returns to equilibrium
What, then, is the use of running?
When everywhere you run is still under the dominion of the Universe
What, then, is the use of running?


“If I lose myself I lose it all”

It is more worth to accept
That separating myself from the constraints of this world
Will not happen

And that
The mountains
The wind
The smiles
The heartbeat
Is more than what I will ever need.

I sit down.

This was inspired by the song Runnin' (Naughty Boy, Beyonce), and "If I lose myself I lose it all" came from this song as well. Grecian Urn is a reference to Keat's Ode to a Grecian Urn where he admires the timeless quality of the jar/urn, but then rejects the idea of him wanting to be like it at the end, which I also based the structure on for this poem. The arrow is from the Fletcher's paradox in that if the arrow is stopped at a point in time it is neither moving from anywhere nor going to where it is, because if it did it would defeat the point because it was already there (you know what just read it up cause I'm talking too much thank you for reading this long-winded footnote gday to you) 

Message to Readers

Made minor changes to spacing and formatting (I think it's good to go now hehe I edited so many times)


Peer Review

How you chose to conclude the poem. It was simple yet held the weight of the poem on its shoulders like atlas. Well done.


There is a lot of emotion within this poem - do you feel a strong connection to it? Did it feel like a reflection of some sort?


Reviewer Comments

I like what you did. A lot. I don't have many complaints about it, the only thing I would have to nit pick on would probably be your choice in placement with some lines, but other than that, it was a soulful and well built piece. You should be proud. You're a proficient writer with a skilled tongue and hand.

Overall, just keep doing what you're doing.

Hats off to you,
R.j.