Peer Review by SomeFormOfWriting (United States)

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If I lose myself I lose it all

By: nezi_nes


FREE WRITING

“If I lose myself I lose it all”

I’m running. To or from, where or what, I can’t...I don’t know. I need to get out of my head. Get out of my head. Out.
Somewhere. Anywhere but

it can’t be found.
Turning, turning, turning
Nowhere.
Because I know I can never escape Myself.
But I still try.
I cant-
I’m running.


“If I lose myself I lose it all”

It is bound by the infinite, the limitless is the ultimate limit
It suffocates
Where is refuge now?
It smothers all, every thing
Particles choke and are choked, hunter and hunted
But I am the hunted

Can we ever be free from the weight of the universe?
No; and I become nothing

Yet, all is nothing
All and nothing fused together into a fabric of burden, oppression
We cannot escape
Never truly free
I still try to run.

Wearier
Breathing gapes of air


“If I lose myself I lose it all”

Can this running continue forever?

When even the Grecian Urn with all its timelessness and sterility
Falls short of Eternity’s dawdles across cosmos
What, then, is the use of running?
When even the fletcher’s zooming arrow denies itself of motion in mid-air,
every instant a frozen snapshot of its impossible sorrow
What, then, is the use of running?
When even the arms of an old maid tire of labour, and the most viciously-stirred pot of soup returns to equilibrium
What, then, is the use of running?
When everywhere you run is still under the dominion of the Universe
What, then, is the use of running?


“If I lose myself I lose it all”

It is more worth to accept
That separating myself from the constraints of this world
Will not happen
And that
The mountains
The wind
The smiles
The heartbeat
Is more than what I’ll ever need.

I sit down.

This was inspired by the song Runnin' (Naughty Boy, Beyonce), and "If I lose myself I lose it all" came from this song as well. Grecian Urn is a reference to Keat's Ode to a Grecian Urn where he admires the timeless quality of the jar/urn, but then rejects the idea of him wanting to be like it at the end, which I also based the structure on for this poem. The arrow is from the Fletcher's paradox in that if the arrow is stopped at a point in time it is neither moving from anywhere nor going to where it is, because if it did it would defeat the point because it was already there (you know what just read it up cause I'm talking too much thank you for reading this long-winded footnote gday to you) 

Message to Readers

I have no idea how you guys will feel after this piece ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


Peer Review

I loved the writing style and urgency and kind of vagueness of it all. And the descriptions (I'm not sure if that's what they should be called): amazing, beautiful. I really love this piece, honestly.


I dunno, honestly... I feel like this isn't really the kind of piece that would elicit a need for more information (i.e. descriptions of characters/scenes). I really liked this piece in general, so I can't really think of anything specific. Maybe the occasional broken line, like what you do in the beginning with "I need to get out of my head." That way the one section in the beginning that has that doesn't seem oddly placed.


Reviewer Comments

First, thank you for entering! Second, I love your writing style and how it's kind of broken, like someones actual thoughts, and the urgency it conveys. I also love your footnote, it was very informative. Make sure your full stops (periods) are consistent regarding the ends of lines (I don't particularly care if you use periods at the end of lines or not, so long as it's consistent throughout the whole thing).