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Message to Readers
For the Corner Writing Club's first writing contest! Super pumped to be a part of it!
The Giver-esque premise and the metaphorical death is an unexpected take on the prompt, and how living a life without colour isn't really one (totally agree, btw.)
After the contest is over and you have an actual word count, there's a lot of space to explore the backstory of how everyone was devoid of colour, and depending on where you decided
For the purposes of the contest, I would recommend either going with short, choppy sentences or long ones with multiple clauses - the alternating between the two is disrupting the flow a little.
In the opening paragraph, I think do away with the more explanatory tone - just dive straight into "still breathing, eating." Add a few more descriptors as to what a life without colour felt like.