Peer Review by stormguard798 (Singapore)

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Colorblind #cwcfirstcontest

By: LyraLynne


    It was, historically, the day everyone died. I don't think we ever realized how significant that would be. Sure we're still "living", we're still breathing, eating. But we are all dead, as in, going throughout our routines as if the world was a black and white scroll. There's no color. 
    I hope to be alive someday. To have fun. They tell me it's impossible, but I can still dream. The first step is to just believe. The color is out there somewhere, and I'm the one who's gonna find it.

The word count was pretty difficult but I managed it! Inspired by the movie Pleasantville with Toby Maguire and Reese Witherspoon.

Message to Readers

For the Corner Writing Club's first writing contest! Super pumped to be a part of it!

Peer Review

The Giver-esque premise and the metaphorical death is an unexpected take on the prompt, and how living a life without colour isn't really one (totally agree, btw.)

After the contest is over and you have an actual word count, there's a lot of space to explore the backstory of how everyone was devoid of colour, and depending on where you decided

Reviewer Comments

For the purposes of the contest, I would recommend either going with short, choppy sentences or long ones with multiple clauses - the alternating between the two is disrupting the flow a little.

In the opening paragraph, I think do away with the more explanatory tone - just dive straight into "still breathing, eating." Add a few more descriptors as to what a life without colour felt like.