ollieollie

United States

Um......hi

Over the past year, I defeated a fear of other people, learned the value of clarity and brevity, fought writer's block, and developed pride in my words.

Now I am a writer with a love for onomatopoeias and an affinity for semicolons.

Message to Readers

I really, really hope that this starts some needed conversations.

Someone

September 17, 2018

FREE WRITING

7
A tender heart and a broken spirit are a dangerous combination. A torrent of confusion and emotion with no outlet can in no way end well, and it often doesn't. Shutting up and dealing with pain in silence is not strong or healthy; it kills you from the inside.
You dance with him to the rhythm of an awkward conversation. You study his shoes and the way that he walks. You describe his character in the form of a flip phone, you bake a lemon pie to his credit, and you ask a brief question as a result of everything he's done.
You want to be mad at him; blame him for the hurt that you're feeling and be done with it all. Every rational part of you screams and strains for it. But you can't. He's still your best friend; he still means too much to you. And you honestly don't know what would happen if you did.
He's always had to struggle to say what he was thinking. He felt things deeper than most people, and it's what drew you to him in the first place. However, he often covered up his thoughts with carefully crafted words.  His hurt was covered up with jokes and his discomfort was veiled in silence. You were able to empathize; you were working on breaking the same habit. He was a bit more stubborn and his wording a bit evasive at times, but you were able to coax him into sharing his inner workings with you. And you were glad, relieved even, that you could be that person for him.

But he can't talk to you about this.

He was as upset as you were; the truth is that both of you were equally victims of circumstance. But he blamed himself. He still does. And you don't know how to help him. You don't know how to reach him. And you know that he isn't talking to anyone else either because you can see it on his face from across the room. You can see it in his tired eyes and his forced smile and the eye contact that he's desperately trying not to make. You're so, so worried about him. But you receive the same two toxic syllables each time you ask:

I'm fine

Two people, trying their damnedest to help each other but save themselves from getting hurt in the process. It would be hard to watch if you weren't in the middle of it. 
A tender heart and a broken spirit are a dangerous combination. You were witness to both: you see it in him every day. And you know that without some form of help, some form of understanding, it destroys you from the inside.

Find someone. A trustworthy person is the most valuable resource on this earth, and it is easy to take one for granted.For those with strong hearts: take care of who you can, but above all else take care of yourself. It is easy to put your own health to the side for the sake of someone else. For those with tender hearts: your feelings are not invalid, nor are they a burden. It is easy to fall into the trap of blaming yourself.

We all need someone to walk with. It is impossible to carry your demons alone.
"Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle"

Print

See History
  • September 17, 2018 - 10:35pm (Now Viewing)

Login or Signup to provide a comment.

4 Comments
  • Made4Love

    Well said! I love this! And I agree; this should start conversations. Keep writing!


    almost 2 years ago
  • nezi_nes

    "It is impossible to carry your demons alone" this sentence left an impression on me because of something I'm struggling with. Thanks for this piece!


    almost 2 years ago
  • Luna Lemon

    Wow... just... wow. This was incredible. The way you built up this piece made the last line really hit me hard. The first line really pulled me in and was an incredible start to an AMAZING piece. I love the message you portrayed through your carefully crafted words. That quote really fit as well. Great job and keep writing!!!!!!


    almost 2 years ago
  • Johanna

    This is so beautiful and deep, and I love the quote!


    almost 2 years ago