(rating: 15+. nothing explicit, highly suggestive content)
(tw: a bit of roughness, discussion of sexual themes)
and suddenly she's kissing me - harder than before and faster than before and i have a very strange thought that i'm making out in the bed i've slept in since i was six. but then her tongue is between my teeth and i can feel hickies blooming on my neck and chest as her mouth carries over down to my collar, and there's a breath-stopping moment of fumbling and exhalation as she pulls my shirt up and undoes my bra. i laugh thinking of a boy trying to get the clatch open.
her fingers are knotted up in my hair and she pushes me onto my back. "my god, baby, what's so funny?" she tries to be cool but i can see anxiety pooling up in your eyes. we're going pretty far for girls who's kissing careers began yesterday. i think she's wondering if she's done something wrong.
i don't answer in words, only prop myself up and kiss the edge of her mouth, arms resting on the small of her back and hair still clutched, almost painfully in her fist. i feel her smile and a question form on her lips. "what do you want?"
what do i want? i want her but i know i'll regret it later and we're both far too new to this. "no more than this, sunshine." she smiles and i can tell she's grateful. but it's not just that- her smiles are so bright and small, like she's trying as hard as she can not to smile. she crinkles up her eyes, dark brown eyes for dark brown skin. she looks like sunshine.
i love her.
so she raises her eyebrows and pulls my hair back until it's painful, and i can't help the tugging sensation in my gut. i'm a teenage girl chock-full of hormones - it's not my first time feeling it - but this time is different. i feel pain and a swoop between my legs, quickly replaced by shame.
god, no. i shouldn't be ashamed of this. boys talk about this all the time, but why can't girls feel arousal without being shamed or slutty or dirty? it's normal, and right now it feels perfect.
so when i get the text from alice that they're pulling off of the highway it's all i can do not to lock the door and ignore it. sadly, however, we take turns in the bathroom and have arranged our textbooks in the living room the moment they arrive. alice raises her eyebrows and my parents roll their eyes. "hey! mom, dad. bea came over to study." it's all my mother can do not to burst into laughter.
"i'm sure you got so much work done." she purses her lips.
once they've gone to the kitchen, i scoot over next to bea until our legs are touching. she leans over and kisses me, and i know that even though we didn't get there today, i'm so excited for everything we'll get to share.
sort of a wlw retelling of the makeout scene at the end of "simon vs. the homo sapiens agenda"