Peer Review by Angelina Nguyen (Australia)()

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a masterpiece had been created

By: Onion3102


FREE WRITING

When God sculpted you,
He knew you would go in His gallery.
And so the angels agreed;
a masterpiece had been created.

Cheekbones chiselled high,
blush rouged right, 
meticulous hand-painted freckles,
and irises that induce opia to the eye of the viewer.

Never before had a smile been so deceiving,
hints of menace curled in your lips.
Yet the simplicity of your heart
just enough to turn men into boys again.

Every step echoes promise,
your mind beyond the now
and into the future.
A future so real.

And when I saw you,
I knew you too were in His gallery.
And I knew that the angels had agreed
a masterpiece had been created.
 

I probably need to expand on certain ideas but meh. Enjoy!

Message to Readers

yup... i need help yikes


Peer Review

Your poem has intense descriptions that are simple and poetically charged! Your writing has a romanticism to it that shines through in stanzas such as the second and third, surprising the reader with how beauty can be located in the mundane. The representation of the self as a work of art is articulated in a delightful and inviting manner.


Sensory elements could be implemented further to immerse the reader in the artwork that is the self. The poem focuses greatly on the visual aesthetic and could be expanded to integrate dimension into your descriptions. Words that came to my mind include marble for texture, resin for scent and mischievous laughter for sound. By layering some sensory details, you could invite the reader further into God's gallery and the minutiae you have illustrated in your poem.


Reviewer Comments

If you were hoping to revise this draft, I would recommend implementing more biblical allusions to develop the subject matter of your poem. The significance of religion has been established in your uplifting first stanza which can be sustained throughout your poem to generate unity. You could allude to and reference Renaissance artworks, as they have a central focus on illuminating the human body and magnificence.

This poem also reminds me of Kahlil Gibran's 'The Prophet' in the style of your writing and its ideas. I would certainly suggest reading his poems in this suite because it is one of my favourites and targets the elevation of the self which your poem does too. This may provide more stimuli for your creative process with this poem and is worth investing a read in!

I hope the feedback is helpful and I look forward to reading more of your works on WTW. Happy writing!