Peer Review by IwillWRITE!13 (United States)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?


Dying Of...

By: Kthrasher5


FREE WRITING

I’m dying!” The girl shouted, falling back against her chair. 
She struggled to breathe, gasping for a little air every few seconds, doing anything to keep herself from passing out.
She gripped her stomach with both hands, unable to contain the ever growing ache that was within her.
Tears began to form in her eyes, blurring her vision till she could only see colors.
The sounds that came from her mouth were painful for those around her to listen to, each one watching her squirm where she sat. 
The girl was dying.
Dying... 

Of laughter

“I win!” Levi cheered, throwing his fists up in victory. 
Kat groaned dramatically and rolled her eyes.
”Come on, Beth! The joke wasn’t even that funny.” 
“I’m sorry...,” Beth giggled, now wiping her tears away.
”Time to pay up!” Levi said as he extended his hands out to Kat and the other four teens around him, who all reluctantly handed over five dollars to Levi for successfully making the new girl laugh.

So, I wasn’t originally gonna add characters to this, and instead I’d just make it about dying of laughter, but than I figured it would help lighten up the story if I did. 

Plus I have a hard time just leaving things alone. 

Message to Readers

Is this random? Yes. Does it make sense? I hope so. Should I have published this? Probably not. Is it worth your time? Not really sure.
Look, all I know is I had an idea and this is where it went so... I hope you enjoy.
All likes and comments are appreciated.


Peer Review

The dying on laughter, I mean, people say it all the time, it just flies over people's heads.


I think this could easily be part of a bigger story, but also a story by itself.


Reviewer Comments

I liked this story alot, you can actually write a short story, that alone is worth aplause.