Peer Review by Fee (United Kingdom)

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The Blurry Street

By: Opal


PROMPT: Setting as Mood

Slate did not hurry through the rain, rain didn’t bother him, it was the rain that had made him decide to go for a walk (even if he was supposed to be in history class). Slate’s feet found the black footpath, his eyes roved the street. The lights of shops and offices were blurred by the downpour, puddles littered the footpath, the few bare tree’s drooped as if life was to heavy for them. Everything was reflected in the layer of water on the ground, and Slate looked down at a faint impression of himself for a moment, then looked up at the sky, a blank canvas from where the rain fell. Few other people braved coming outside, hiding under bright umbrellas, and no one noticed Slate. He imagined himself blurring into the scene, like it was a watercolour, and that pleased him because if he was in a watercolour he wouldn’t have to go home. 


Peer Review

"the few bare tree’s drooped as if life was to heavy for them." I really like this because it seems to mirror the way Slate is feeling. You show that there are things in his life that weigh on him and this line really stood out and highlighted this.


There are many emotions. He's very attentive to his surroundings which to me suggests kind of low level unease or fear. At the same time there is kind of a sense of enjoyment - you describe people as hiding under umbrellas whereas Slate is not afraid of the rain, there's a sense of freedom in that.
also familiarity - your descriptions were very vivid, I felt like I was there.


Reviewer Comments

It's cool that you include the line "it was the rain that had made him decide to go for a walk" because this instantly tells us something about Slate's character. I like your simple sentence structure, it works well and is consistent and provides a voice for your character. For me this made sure that it wasn't just a disconnected description sandwiched between two statements, instead it seems like a continuous piece narrated by Slate the whole way through.