9:00

FREE WRITING

I remember you asking,
begging me to let you go.
It would be a quick trip,
you'd be there and back
by nine.
I knew I shouldn't have let you go.
Because though my door opened at nine,
it wasn't you standing there.
It was a man in a uniform,
an apology on his face.
An accident,
he said.
A drunk driver,
or maybe it was a distracted driver,
I don't remember anymore.
All I remember,
is that he said he'd be back by nine.

Peer Review

What about this piece delighted, surprised, or moved you?

The hinting at what happened. The nostalgia in it. I've written a few pieces like this, and they're always so touching. The reader yearns to know more, and even though often times he can't, the knowledge that you know at least somewhat what happened totally rips your heart apart, and you're left with sadness. It also totally draws the reader in. :)

What else would you like to know? Where might the writer deepen an idea or question? Would additional details invite you further into the writing?

This is beautiful the way it is written! There's always room to use this for a short story, but I love it as is. :)

Reviewer Comments

I had to write a review. This is such a touching piece! Fantastically written! *crying* So beautiful and sad.
Keep up the good work! God bless! :)