Peer Review by Blotted Ink with a Broken Quill (United States)

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Once upon a never Chp 6

By: janice


FREE WRITING

    “Our wonderful country, on the other hand, was established by Lord Mirkal, who was then succeeded by his son...”

    Anita stifled a yawn, fighting boredom as her tutor droned on about the history of Burkham, the country she lived in. The man would occasionally push his brown-framed glasses up when they weren't slipping, as though he though it made him look more important. The tutor's name was Jome, this was their second day together, and Anita already needed a break.

    Jome was dressed in a brown suit, perfectly ironed and kept, with brown shoes, brown socks, brown hair, and a dull disposition. Anita shifted uncomfortably in her cushioned chair, wishing that the lesson would end. The stiff, uncomfortable, scratchy white dress she was wearing wasn't helping matters much, either.
“Now, as for the government of the provinces...”

    Idly her mind began to wander. This afternoon both her parents would be out somewhere, which would leave her with Miss Andson, a woman even more boring than Jome. Jules Andson had been taking care of her ever since she was a baby, and Anita knew that she shouldn't really complain, but a day with Miss Andson meant a day of wandering around the house doing nothing while the woman fussed in front of the mirror. Fortunately, today that was something to be appreciated.

    The tutor snapped his book shut, and Anita jumped in her seat. By some miracle, Jome didn't seem to notice. He never seemed to notice much besides what was directly in front of his nose, anyway. And even then, he missed quite a bit.

    “You may go now, Miss Anita,” he said in that oddly grave tone of his. Anita wasted no time in jumping out of her chair and headed out of the room. Walking through the hall, she passed the door where she knew the boy would be. Eagerness to see him again was bursting inside of her, but she continued on to the sitting area. Her mother had said to be sure to be there to greet Miss Andson (not that Anita ever wanted to nor would want to.)

    Entering, she saw that the nanny was already there, sitting next to her mother. Mentally sighing, she crossed the crimson
carpet and sat down on the black sofa. “How do you do, Anita?” asked Miss Andson.

    “Very well, thank you,” answered the girl absently. Her mind was still on the mahogany door.

    Joana frowned, then picked up her purse from where it lay next to her. “I have to go, Jules,” she said, smoothing out her already immaculate hair. “Gordon is waiting for me.” She turned to Anita, her face a perfect mask of sternness. “Be good,” she said, then walked out of the room. Anita heard the front door open, then close.

    Miss Andson turned to look at her. “I'll be in the guest room, dear. No noise. Don't run off.” With that, she strode out of the room and hurried up the stairs.

    Once she was sure that Miss Andson was out of sight and earshot, Anita slid off the couch and went to her room. Hastily she pulled out a small, faded pink dress from her closet and slipped it on. She couldn't possibly play while wearing the horrid white thing.

    Feeling satisfied, she quietly made her was to the door. Right before her hand could touch the doorknob, she froze. Shakily her hand withdrew to her pocket and fingered the flower. Please let him still be there, please, she prayed silently.
Quickly her hand shot out and grasped the handle and, too fast to change her mind, she opened the door. A fresh spring breeze greeted her.

    It's still here!

    Joyously, she practically ran through the door frame, breathing in the sights and smells. Smiling, she picked her way though the fields of flowers, careful not to trample on any. The boy had said to meet him at a large, unusual looking rock, which should be just around...there! The boy was sitting on it, petting a squirrel that was balancing on his knee. She skipped over and stopped just in front of him. “Hello,” she said.

    The boy glanced up, then sprang up onto his feet, holding the squirrel gently in his hands. “You came back,” he whispered.

    Anita nodded. “I'm sorry I didn't come sooner.”

    The boy shook his head. “No, no, it's fine, its...oh!” The squirrel had wriggled its way out of his hands and was tugging on the edge of Anita's dress with its paws. She watched, mystified.

    “Stop that!” The boy swooped down and tried to grab it, but the squirrel jumped onto his shoulders and clung to his hair. Anita laughed—they didn't have squirrels like that in Burkham!

    “What's its name?” she asked, then remembered that the boy didn't quite understand the concept of naming things.

    “Hasn't got one,” said the boy, holding the squirrel more firmly in his hands now.

    “So you don't call it anything?” she asked innocently, still bent on getting him to understand names.

    “Well,” he said, looking down at it, “right now I might call it naughty.” To her surprise, the squirrel huffed.

    She sat down on the rock and smoothed out her skirt. “Where I come from, we call them squirrels.”

    The expression on the boy's face was so funny that it was all she could do not to laugh. “Squirrel?” he repeated, incredulous.

    Anita nodded solemnly “Yes.”

    The boy stared at the creature in his hands. “No.”

    “No?” she asked.

    “No.”

    She gazed at him, wondering what could possibly be going through his brain. “And why not?” she asked, almost afraid of the answer.

    He sat down on the ground next to the rock, setting down the squirrel, which stood on its hind legs in front of him. He stroked its back gently. “The name isn't right for him,” said the boy.

    “And why not?”

    “Because it doesn't look like a … squirrel."

    Anita shook her head in an exasperated manner. “What would you call him, then?”

    The boy pondered this, then looked up at her brightly. “Fuzzy-tailed creature,” he said.

    Anita could only gaze at him. “Why?” she managed.

    If the boy noticed her amusement, he didn't show it. “Because it is a creature, and it has a fuzzy tail.”

    Anita breathed deeply in, then out. In, out. “Okay,” she said. “Okay, fine. Fuzzy-tailed creature.”

    The boy smiled, and the Fuzzy-tailed creature jumped onto his lap.
 

Here are the links to the other chapters-- Chp 1, Chp 2, Chp 3, Chp 4, and Chp 5. Let me know what you think! Hopefully Chapter Seven coming soon :)

Peer Review

I think I really enjoy all of the parts (in all of these) that show intrigue or the desire to learn.


Nope! >◊-◊<


Reviewer Comments

To 7!