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Message to Readers
I think that this piece seems a little off but I've published it anyway. Feedback is welcome with open arms :)
Let me know if you like it!!
The most important part of the piece is that it's relatable to many people, as the idea of having a conflicting conscience is one that we'd all experience. However, whilst the premise was relatable, I felt it lacked some strong emotive language to really make me feel.
The poem alludes to an event with a high, and terrible consequences, which alludes to a great number of different events; however, if you're looking to further develop the character, you could hone in on what it is they're struggling with.
I personally feel that this scene would be much better if converted into a short story or extract as I feel that it can be more effectively emoted and described in a way that really resonates,
I think that it's a good premise, however, with all the different voices, it lacks the certain punchiness that poetry typically lends itself too, hence, I think adding bits of description and dialogue descriptors would work here.