lucasis

United States

lucas
16
hopeless romantic
relentless optimist
sees the best in people, even when they might not deserve it.

Message to Readers

title says it all.

I don’t know what I’m doing

August 21, 2018

FREE WRITING

2
It’s almost obsessive at this point. 
The way my heart jumps a little
(a lot)
every time his name pops up on my phone. 
It’s stupid. 
The way I still feel about him. 
I read every poem he writes,
I consume his thoughts,
I hoard them,
as if he’s saying them to me. 
I make up this fantasy where
all his writing is published with me in mind. 
Maybe I do it to comfort myself,
maybe it’s easier
pretending he cares about me as much as I do about him. 
I over analyze cryptic posts
hoping 
that he’s written them about me.
He doesn’t answer me,
even though
he makes it seem that he enjoys our conversations. 
He’s got such a hold on me. 
I want him out of my head. 

I wonder if he reads my poems. 
If he looks at them closely
the way I do to his. 
If he did, I wonder if he’d still talk to me. 
I’ve laid myself bare,
but I've played it safe. 
I’ve never said any of these things 
straight to his face. 
I just lay them here,
and wonder
hope
that he sees. 
That he understands 
the depth of what I feel for him. 

I don’t know what I’m doing. 
I don’t know what I’m doing. 

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  • August 21, 2018 - 7:25pm (Now Viewing)

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2 Comments
  • Anha

    I don't know what I'm doing either :')


    about 3 years ago
  • RavensInkWrites

    This was so relatable and beautiful! :)


    about 3 years ago