Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
Hey! It’s Iris. Thank you for taking the time to read my piece! I’d love if you could review it, and help me out. I think my ending is a little bit weak and doesn’t do as great a job of wrapping up the piece as I’d like to, do if I could get pointers on that, it would be great, however any help at all would be appreciated. Thanks!
I really admire the manner in which the story hooked me since its very first beginning, making me wondering what kind of fantasticl creation is this going to be. And it showed up not dissappointing me. And the title didn't give me the slightest spoiler about the subject of this story.
I guess that everyone could actually relate to the first part of the narrative: when we all were young and angry, and everyone was (and still is for some of us) like only against us; when our parents seem to be the cruelest ones in this world and we only want to play. But when we grow up we find ourselves to thank our parents for their decisive choices which lead us to our own later success; our teachers for never give up in front of some "spoiled and unforgiving" children.
Oh, here I really wanted to talk about something. The character of Claire Neiweem really intrigued me, making me want to find out more about this interesting relationship, apparently, at the beginning at least, very bad for both the teacher and the pupil. It made me hope that I am going to see during the story a future development of it, or details from those "good days, and the bad days; the wonderful memories, and the painful ones; the lessons learned, and the lessons lost." But the writing was coming to an end, the words were finishing and I got only a final detail about the resolution of everything: "Her eyes now crinkled even more than before, but they still had the same pure blue glow to them." Everything was fine after all.
But my point is that the character is a key one, having the very central role of the whole story, getting the major responsibility and concern in the development of the protagonist. She was, I'd dare to say, the very master who conducted the girl on those stages, instilling her the first love- which developed years later, on that first stage, that first contest- and first tangencies with the piano.
As I commented, the very last sentences of the ending were just perfect in a manner I never expected. You chose the exact right words to make the exact right reference to the beginning: to the "wrong door" you started with, showing by this beautiful piece of writing that neither the person who entered it nor it, were actually wrong this whole time (despite the way you chose to end everything: "Maybe, at the beginning, I just was the wrong person entering it."
But, as you said yourself in the message meant for the readers, the rest of the ending (because the ending is never only a sentence which I like so much), it was indeed a bit weak. It felt more like there had to be more, a new beginning, a lot of questions (Who is that mesmerizing jazz lady? Will she be the best teacher for Iris? How is their relationship going to develop?) when actually the whole time there was just a desperate trying to end it already. But you had done it smoothly, like fooling the readers and pranking them at the end: "Hey! It's over! Go back to reality! To your lives!"
Well, of course, you can follow my comments, or not, for future improvements. I am not an absolute instance to trust my word to what is better or worst. I just think that your writing is great and your future writings I bet they are going to be even greater! Maybe we'll get another story figuring Iris? Maybe I'll get the answers to my questions? Other adventures into the world of music and piano? Or something truly new and mesmerizing?
In my comments, I used the word "character" instead of "you", because I believe that even if the narrator is subjective, and the story a personal one, the narrator ( a character here) is still fictional since the literature gives the author the infinite possibility to manipulate the reality as they wish.