Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
I don't know if I'll publish the rest here, but what do you think?
I was instantly drawn in from the opening lines, and your brisk pace of action sequences as well as the stunning details kept me reading. The main character seems very real and well thought out.
I don't think I need any more information in this first section. You have a pretty good balance of giving the reader information without giving away too much. Near the end, it does get a little rushed. I left some notes in the highlighted sections.
This is an incredible piece with so much beautiful language, and the characters are so alive. I love the action that starts right from the beginning and never stops! I can't wait to read more:)