Peer Review by stormguard798 (Singapore)

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I won't remember what has been forgotten

By: _TJNR@cheshire_


Indeed I wish I could remember
time spent together last September
the soul you will dismember

Indeed I wish I could recall your looks
your features your imperfections 
the heart you took

Indeed I wish I could relive your kindness
and my blindness
You are no longer in my mind this way

Your image has been distorted
by all the cruel acts you committed
There is nothing you can change about the mistreatment of me

My consciousness no longer fogged with your lies
poisoned by your words 
distracted by your actions

My feelings belong to me 
they are no longer yours to play with
I have cut the strings from my puppet body

Indeed I wish I could think of you fondly
this of course impossible
my mind has finally regrouped

Although I will never be the same  person I was
I will recover I will grow and blossom
this, unfortunately, something you don't have the skills to accomplish

I have grown out of you 
tossed you aside 
it is my turn to be in charge

I rule.


Peer Review

It gave me a very triumphant of breaking free of one's past, and the last line at the end gave me the impression of trying to forge a new future. Personally, it reminded me of a person that has left an abusive or dysfunctional relationship, given the specific targeting, but I like that it could also apply to an assortment of other difficult situations where someone has been oppressed in some way.

Perhaps delve a little more into the raw, forlorn emotions that one might experience from such a 'break-up', so to speak. I'm getting a lot of raw anger vibes, which fits really well, but there's also bound to be more of an element of regret.

Reviewer Comments

Your poetic technique game is strong - I really appreciate the ample use of the tricolon to give more of a 'punch' to the feelings of resentment, and the little tidbits of allusion to different motifs throughout.

However, I felt that the rhythm was a little inconsistent in places, and didn't always fit with the very aggressive feel. And even though it may not necessarily be intended to perform outloud, try reading it out loud to get a sense of how readers would read it in their head, and make the poem flow even more smoothly.