Peer Review by kaydenblue (Singapore)

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Someday

By: etheryal


Ships at a distance have every man's wish on board. But not all of them reach the shore. The sea is my place of comfort. A place that reminds me that all my worries are nothing compared to the vast ocean. I like to gaze at the ships, watching them sail until they disappear into the horizon. They always seem so near yet so far away. "Ships at a distance have every man's wish on board." Ships come at different times, just like wishes do. Some are quick, some take almost forever, some just never come. Everyone tells me that wishes don’t come true; I don’t believe them. But what more can I do than to wait and hope that someday a ship with my wish will arrive?


Peer Review

The opening line really grabs you. The idea presented is very interesting in and of itself, but the promise of it being developed further makes me want to read on.


This might benefit from a little more elaboration as to where the narrator is. Keep the focus on the ships, but make clear where they're standing in your opening.


Reviewer Comments

Ending with a question is very interesting. There's just enough buildup to make you wonder if the narrator is waiting for a physical thing to arrive on board a ship, or if the ship arriving represents something to them