Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
My favorite aspect of this piece is the subject matter of Hong Kong. Being a small town girl, I've always wondered what it would be like to live in the previously democratic sector in the most populated (communist) country in the world.
The "Admiralty" section of this piece is what really caught my eye, for it's the one where the writer most directly brings attention to everyday life for its inhabitants, as well as the fusion of pop culture.
The way this essay was formatted is both a blessing and a curse. While you get to cover more ground, it leaves the reader a less complete feel of the setting, and more of a patch-worked idea. No, I did not have a strong sense of setting.
As the competition guidelines stated, it's important to show and tell! However, I find that you tend to tell much more than you show.
As you're from HK, I believe it's safe to assume that English is not your first language. I am awed by your diction in a language that is not native to you.