Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
I love that you open with the basic history of Delhi, then talk about the city as a whole, then two of your favourite aspects. This lets the piece be quite deep and have an excellent rhythm.
I love when you talk about Chandni Chowk! Honestly, if you wanted to go more in depth and use ~sensory details~ more, then jsut focus your piece on Chandni chowk. What do you feel as you sidle down it's choked alleys, glitter from the shops reaching out and entrancing you, people asking you to buy their products, the scent of paratha drifting around a corner, Lal Qila crouched in the distance? Why does Chandni Chowk feel like home? What have you learnt there?
I have a strong sense of what's in Delhi, but I think you could work on making it more cohesive? Don't just rattle off the names of landmarks and monuments: how do these places, together, give you a sense of Delhi's peculiar geography? How are the dance academies connected to the seething population, the exquisite art galleries, the remenants of Mughals, the Delhi Sultanate, the British, etc.
You know Delhi really well, and moving away has given you a perspective on it, which is important.
A few notes since the software wasn't letting me add comments
-no need to italicize--roman type and capitals work fine and don't otherise the language you write in. Also, the Qutab Minar isn't a minaret--minarets are attached to mosques.
-what do you mean by 'india being one of the world's most artistic countries?
-'memorable memories' is redundant--of course memories are memorable, because you have remembered them.
-'12th longest metro system in the world' isn't really something to remark upon imo
-n general, be careful with your commas! you tend to overuse them
-I really like that you mention pollution and what it was like to come back to Delhi after moving. That felt really relevant to me, as I've recently moved from India, and gives a deeper sense of the city.
-be careful with the word 'development'--it's a very loaded term. Do you mean 'more like Western countries" 'more commercial options?' 'less poor' 'urban'?