Peer Review by Tofu(づ。◕‿‿◕。)づ (Canada)

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Snow Fall

By: Accentedvoice


Ships at a distance have every man's wish on board. But not mine.

The colossal hunk of metal that vomits it's insides outside into our Goddess's abode has earned nothing but disgust and anger from me. Picking up a can of rum, I hurl at at the ship. 

"Leave us be! Damned Snowmen!" Glancing at what's left of my leg, I begin to cry, gripping my cane for support as earthquakes splitting my lungs and back into pieces wrecked havoc in my mind. Unable to steady myself, I fall to the floor enclosing my face with my wrinkly-date like hands. The Snow man's white face glowing under the white moon will forever be ingrained in my mind, as will the silver gleam of metal that screamed death upon my limb and life: my child. 

The chorus of laughter and curses that are exchanged between those drunken damned men begin to trickle out into the darkness as the ship seems to fall off the horizon.

Every year, from the top of this cliff, I watch these men leave their families, seemingly so their wits, for some cheap thrill and freedom. In and upon their return, they leave us without the riches of our Island. They rape every corner and crevice, unearthing our secrets while we bury our children.

I close my eyes.

Upon 3 AM, as the sun's finger tips begin to unfold my corner of the world, the sky opened up. The Goddess's armies, numbered in the millions, fell and sliced open the waters. My face warmed, grateful for the canopy above my head. In minutes, my teeth begin to chatter and I fetch a blanket to watch the show.  Angry waters embrace fiery snow. I fetch a hat. Angry waters rise above the earth and swim in the air. I can not hear myself think over the roar of the Goddess.

I go inside. 

Hours later, the ship arrives. 

I open my eyes. 

 Sunlight pours in. Silence thrums through the air.

I smile. 

Surely Snow men deserve snow fall. 


Message to Readers

Please provide any advice and tell me your thoughts. Did you like it? Are you confused? Do you have a deep understanding or connection? I'd really love to hear anything. :)


Peer Review

The part where the narrator says/writes, "But not mine." Why wouldn't the narrator want to be on a ship?


What do snowmen have to do with anything? Please explain. Does the narrator have powers? I don't get the part where the narrator goes in.


Reviewer Comments

The story doesn't really have a climax. Please try to add one as you continue to edit this story. Overall, it's great, but needs some tweaking.