Peer Review by Deleted User

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A Place with Crosses

By: theinvisiblehumanbeing

PROMPT: Child Narrator

Mommy brought me to a place with crosses. A maze, I thought as I ran along the rows, all lined with flowers. There were other people, all weeping. They glared at me. I didn't know what they were so upset about. The flowers were beautiful.

Names, names, names. Upon every cross. Mommy took me by the hand and led me to one at the far end of this place, inscribed with Daddy's name. She bent down and placed flowers in front of the cross, whispering ‘sorry’ over and over again. I didn't know why she should've been sorry. The weather was perfect.

I asked her where Daddy was. She told me earlier he'd be there, but I didn't see him anywhere. Down there, she told me, pointing to the ground. I didn't believe her.

Before she left, a bird took off into the bright blue sky. It left a few feathers behind. They were very pretty. I picked up the feathers and left them with the flowers. Mommy saw me and told me that the feathers were dirty.

When Mommy and I arrived home, I found a letter on the table. It was from the Army. I picked it up and read it over. There were many big words in the letter. Too many. Duty, death, circumstances, sympathy. Too hard for me to understand.

I asked Mommy what they meant. She told me to go to bed.

Grown-ups always tell me that I should be proud that my Daddy helped our country win a war. I don't care about the war. I want my Daddy back.

I can only think of one thing:

Daddy wasn't there the day the soldiers returned.

Inspired from the loss of a relative when I was 5.

Peer Review

I really like the way the place is described, because you really state what a child would see. That makes it really powerful, great job!

I think I like the line "A maze". It's simple, but it shows how a child can feel when confronted with the adult world.

I think I would like to know more about the father and his relationship with the child.

Reviewer Comments

Beautiful piece, I really loved it. I love the way it is formulated and the story is really powerful too. Amazing work :)