Peer Review by LKC136 (United States)

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Hello?

By: Johanna


FREE WRITING

I walked on the hallway as I adjusted the straps on my bag. Somebody said hi to me and I smiled, waving my hand a little. It feels good when some one says hi- it shows that they recognise you, and noticed, or even appreciate your exsistance in this world. Even if it's a complete stranger. My lips turned upwards. A simple 'hi' can lift your mood. Then, I saw someone I know coming towards me in the hallway. I know her, but I don't really talk to her. I should say hi. I waved my hand.They didn't notice me. I said 'Hey!'. They didn't hear. I yelled their name. No reaction. And before I knew it, they passed me on the hallway. I looked back.

Well that was awkward.


Peer Review

I think your hook is good it interest me. I think what makes it so good is the way you describe him adjusting his bag it may not be important to the story but it is simple yet alluring.


After reading all of your story twice i'm left with a sense of confusion. It's mainly because I get what the story is about but I feel as if their was no central message. Perhaps if at the end of your story your charterer realizes something about people and then that could be the theme of your story, instead of him just being oh like that's awkward because awkward really isn't a theme.


I'm very interested to know what your inspiration for this piece was. Also if there was a specific reason why your character mainly talks to himself in your story instead of to maybe another character.


Reviewer Comments

This story absolutely has potential to become perhaps a longer story if you explode a moment and add a few more character with dialogue. You did a nice job!