Peer Review by janice (United States)

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Sayonara Man: Chapter One

By: Lee Fudge


FREE WRITING

At precisely 10:00 am, a man with a crown on his head pushed of all the kids that were playing on a jungle gym, then got to the top of the jungle gym’s roof. He then declared himself King of the Jungle Gym, and soon declared he would expand his empire. 

This man is a supervillian, albeit an incredibly lame one. When a supervillian appears, a superhero usually follows.

And soon, after a lot of parents complained to the so called king, a superhero did appear. This hero wore a helmet with a visor, a large blue coat, and red pants. This hero always seemed to get the strangest jobs, but he tried to not complain about it.

This hero, was Sayonara Man.


Message to Readers

Any feedback is great


Peer Review

"This hero was Sayonara Man." You can't get more hilarious/ironic than this. The way you wrote this so seriously makes this even more funny. I need you to write more humor. These funny pieces are amazing.


Laughing but managing to keep it in long enough so no one thinks I'm crazy... I love how you end this piece so simply and yet strongly. It's possible the best part of the piece and gives the whole thing a nice tone and touch. The way you keep all the sentences pretty short also add to the piece nicely.


Did something inspire you to write this, or did you come up with it yourself? Also, I would try to very your words a little more. Other that that, I absolutely adore this piece,


Reviewer Comments

Great job, and keep writing!