Blankitude

Singapore

난 괜찮아♔ Fingertips tracing patterns across the canvas of the sky♕ 忙着追逐天空中的流星♙

Message from Writer

16 year old. Visionary. STEM student. Aspiring entrepreneur. Most importantly, a writer whose love for the universe will flow from her fingertips into this misty software network of codes and algorithms and somehow find its place in your heart.

P.S. Finally updated this after so long. I'm sixteen now, oh how time flies. Getting rusty :/

Cracked

May 13, 2018

PROMPT: Open Prompt

10
the first time i held you
i realised
we were different pieces of a puzzle
never meant to fit

but i cracked my bones around you
sanded down my edges
learnt to bend my arms around you
forced our fingers to intertwine

so you could ease into the curve of my neck
and i will embrace you, tightly
like two puzzle pieces glued together
i would be with you forever
and keep you safe

****

you told me that if
i was the earth
you would be my sun

i didn't mind you breaking my heart as it is only

when there are cracks
that your bright light and fiery eyes
can cast light into the darkest corners of my heart
filling its core with hope and warmth

but you never told me
that the stars used to be planets like us
and if the earth was gone
smashed to pieces
reduced to ash left hanging in empty space
the sun will continue burning brightly, as it always did
as you continued to

****

you ask why i don't get out of bed anymore
why i spend hours staring at the same spot
why i stopped eating, stopped talking

i think i have an illness, mommy
it's called cracked-itis
i feel my heart has been cracked open into halves
like an empty coconut shell

it hurts, mommy
right there
it had been a sharp pain worse than
being stabbed by multiple knives
worse than being ripped apart

now it is a dull throb
i forgot how to feel
what does love feel like, mommy?
i don't really know anymore

all i can say is i'm sorry
perhaps it is all my fault
for perceiving those words as bullets
for shooting myself in my heart

i'm sorry for being a burden
i'm sorry that i wasn't enough
i'm sorry

****

stop knocking on the door
you are disturbing the music
of glass shattering on your marble floor

have you ever felt
just like that glass
just like Humpty Dumpty
left on the floor in so many pieces
that even all the king's men and horses
could never put the shards together again

have you ever felt
past the glue
past the scotch tape
the hollow ringing of an empty vase
just before falling apart
broken beyond repair

pick up that glass shard
drag the sharp point
across the porcelain skin wrapped tight around your bones
across the little blue lines running below it
watch as the blood stains the glass crimson red
and magenta spots in your vision

are you saying something now?
as you hold me in your arms
where i snuggled perfectly
blood dripping from my wrist

i was glass
fragile, delicate
now i was falling apart
smashing against the ground into smithereens
glass crystals that were too cracked, too small
that slipped through your fingers
that you could not hold in your hands anymore

i was no longer in your orbit
i will be gone
your earth has disappeared
wasn't that what you wanted?

****

i was a little bird
learning to spread my wings
to slide through the cracks between the cage bars of my heart
learning how to fly

you may have cracked my heart
but you've also set me free
526 words
 

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